Page 9 of Spiced!

“You climbed off the bar and the circle happened. That’s causation.” Benji crossed his arms as though his point was irrefutable. He was grinning with his whole face, the uninhibited, maniacal Joker-to-my-Batman grin that meant he had no intention of letting this go tonight or possibly ever.

Finn set a cold orange Fanta on the bar in front of me, which I took as an “atta boy” from my boss. I looked at the Fanta, then looked at him. Of all the people in this room, Finn was the last one I expected kindness from at one-fifteen in the morning after the evening I’d had.

“The video has fourteen thousand views already,” he said. “Mark texted me.”

“Mark is awake at one in the morning?”

“Mark saw the video. His mental cash register won’t let him sleep.” Finn chuckled.

I picked up the Fanta and popped the tab.

“He already sent me a revenue projection, complete with future earnings from future bachelorette parties we might host. He’s creating a whole business model around off-night entertainment options. I think your little dancing moment inspired him.”

I drank half the can in one go and set it down. Then I glanced between the three of them: Finn with his phone showing me Mark’s text, Jacks examining the ceiling with suspicious focus, and Benji still grinning like some cannibal who’d just found a lost hiker in the jungle.

“The bride was very nice,” I said.

“She was lovely,” Benji agreed.

“Her friends were lovely,” Jacks added.

“They should be classified as accomplices, not friends.” I shot him a glare.

“Dennis had a good time,” Benji said, ignoring my complaint.

“Dennis tipped forty dollars on twenty dollars’ worth of drinks,” Jacks said. “And that’s not counting whatever he shoved in your leg band.”

I finished the Fanta. “He has more money than sense.”

“Customer service demands its due. Good thing you have a lot to grope . . . I mean, grip,” Benji said. Jacks, unhelpful ox that he was, blinked a few times before it registered, then joined in the laughter.

“Benj, you know I’m not that kind of dancer. That’s why I use the leg band.”

“I know. Still, Little Adrian is impressive. That’s what the sashes were saying,” Benji added. “I mean, if you’re into Puerto Rican monster snakes.”

Jacks literally hit the floor. Tears were streaming down his face.

“Guys!” Finn warned, though we all knew Benji was harmless and his words were in good jest.

“Fine, Dad,” Benji said.

“Thanks, guys. Great support. You’re the best, really.” I let out a long sigh. “I think it’s time I put my anaconda to bed.”

Jacks stammered nonsense from the floor.

Unhelpful as ever, Finn shook his head and turned to walk back to his office. I was pretty sure he laughed as the door closed.

Chapter 3

Brendan

My morning started with an iguana on the loose.

Yeah, you heard that right.

And I’m not speaking metaphorically.

This was four feet of prehistoric attitude named Chairman Meow. The good Chairman had slipped free of his carrier while his fourteen-year-old owner was attempting to show me a TikTok video about iguana wellness. Meow was now somewhere in exam room two expressing his opinions about the situation.