Page 41 of All The Ways to Miss You

“It does. I can’t.” He crosses his arms, and his lips draw into a tight line. Another signal. He’s saying, I told you. You should have listened.

I could whine. I could throw myself at his feet and beg. After the last few weeks, I’m discovering I have a flair for the dramatic, but what kind of person would I be if I did? I have pride. I’m not in love with him. This thought is crystal clear in my mind.

He’s just a crush, one who’s proven himself worthy of more than a withering glance. After last night, perhaps I’m in lust with him, but it’s nothing more. I need to convince myself it’s my body that wants him, not my erratically beating heart. If I released it from its cage, would it leap into his arms? Yes. It would. That’s normal. I’m normal. After last night, any woman with a damn pulse would want more.

My whispers return. Nothing’s changed. You’re still alone.

“Fine.” I shift to the defensive and make myself as tall as possible. If I make myself larger than life, maybe I won’t feel so tiny inside.

I told you this would happen.

I clench my bag. I’m fine by myself. What we did means nothing to him, so it can mean nothing to me. Clearly, I’ll survive.

“Fine,” he says, reflecting my tone.

“Fine,” a third party says, and I whirl to the familiar voice.

“Lou.” My voice squeaks, high-pitched.

Caught in my Evan bubble, I forgot Lou returned from his trip. We were supposed to meet to walk to work this morning, but this is the lesser of the two problems. The bigger issue is that Evan believes Lou is my ex.

“What are you doing here?” My throat tightens at the thought of being caught in a lie.

Lou waves his cell. “I’ve been calling and texting. Did you forget about me again?”

“Um, no.” I warned Lou about our fake romance, but I left out the details. I glance at Evan, but he’s not even watching me. He appears to be mentally drilling a hole into Lou’s head. With his tightening jaw, Evan radiates jealousy.

My brows rise at this development.

“But I don’t want to interrupt you.” Lou grimaces, his attention swinging between Evan and me. The air in the hallway crackles with tension, in a beacon flowing from Evan’s direction.

“You’re not. Uh, I came down to tell Evan my shower isn’t working.” The half lie slips out on the edge of my nervous laughter.

Evan’s door slams closed, rattling the foyer walls, causing me to jolt. My shoulders rise to my ears at the same time my head snaps to the sound. The wall between Evan and me returns. My heart contracts.

“What’s he so mad about?” Lou scowls.

“You know landlords.” I grip Lou’s hand in mine, making my getaway from the building. Outside, I bustle toward work while rambling to myself. I’m disappointed for dragging Lou into this. I should have set Evan straight the moment he labeled Lou as my boyfriend.

“What the hello is going on, lady?” Lou jumps in front of me, a lanky barrier I could sidestep, but I halt anyway. I have to explain myself. He needs to know what I did.

“I’ll just say I’m sorry now.” I wince.

“Bloody hell.” He mimics a British accent.

“Evan’s the one who thinks you’re my ex.” I nibble my lip.

“No. Just no.” Lou lifts his hands in protest.

“You don’t even need to do anything. He concluded you were my boyfriend. I just didn’t correct him. But I told him we broke up. All I need you to do is play along if it ever comes up, but it won’t. We’ll be what we are now. Friends. So nothing’s changed. Got it?”

When Lou appears pained and strides on without me, I rush to his side.

“I’ll bring you doughnuts every day for as long as we work together.”

He bobs his head, uncommitted.

“Whatever you want. Please?” I fold my hands in prayer.