Page 64 of Whispered Promises

His weight shifts back and forth on his feet. He’s probably so desperate for this conversation to be over, for me to leave.

I clear my voice, trying to say something, anything at all, but it’s too clogged with the unshed tears I’m trying to hold back.

“I don’t want us to not be friends, Rosy. You're my friend. I promise I’ll be that for you. I just…I can’t offer more…you know?” he whispers, no longer looking at me, and that has a pang of hurt hitting the back of my throat.

He rubs the back of his neck roughly with a hand, tousling his hair. My heart flips, wanting to reach out and fix it for him, then it dips, knowing I can’t share any more intimate moments with him.

He’s not mine to do that with.

My eyes fall shut, not wanting to see the pity in him any longer.

I…I don’t know how to navigate this.

Being around Max is so natural; he makes my mind feel quieter…freer. But now? Now I need to be mindful of his boundaries, to not be too comfortable that I make him feel uneasy in my presence.

A soft touch brushes against my arm, and it might as well have been an arrow shooting into my body. It hurts for him to touch me so delicately, so carefully. The touch penetrates, striking through my numbness, and just like an avalanche, all my emotions, all the pain, and all the feelings come crashing back in through my body.

I blink rapidly. My throat’s thick as I battle the tears threatening to break free.

I will not cry.

A desperate need to be alone has me stepping back from the warmth his body radiates. His face is so earnest and apologetic that I can’t take it anymore.

“I…” Clearing my throat, I glance up at the ceiling, blinking heavily. I try again. “I understand, Max. You don’t need to explain anything to me. As I said, we didn’t promise each other anything. I want to be your friend too.” Pain radiates in my tone, and I hope he doesn’t notice it. That he doesn’t see through my lie.

Because I don’t understand, not completely, and I do want him to explain. I want him to explain why I’m not enough. Instead, I offer a small smile, step in to give him a quick hug that hurts more than any rejection I’ve received before, then turn and quickly walk away.

I need to be home, to feel safe, so I can let everything go and grieve something that we never had.

And will never be.

As I leave the suffocating confines of Max’s space and enter the living room, my body freezes momentarily when I see the rest of the guys all seated and chatting amongst themselves.

Shit. That’s right. I’m not at home.

I’m here, in their home.

Max had said they’d be home soon. I just wish it hadn’t been this soon.

My body manages to unfreeze and move forward, and as I take a deep inhale, readying to make my excuses, Noah turns his head and catches my gaze.

A frown mars his brows, and I immediately plaster a smile on my face, not wanting him to see the ice freezing through my veins as pain threatens to overwhelm me completely.

I want the numbness back, to feel nothing. I’d give anything to have that emptiness back.

“We didn’t know you were here. Are you okay, Rosy?” Noah asks as he stands up and moves towards me.

He places a soft hand on my shoulder and gently squeezes. I smother the gasp that wants to tumble from my lips. It’s as though he’s reached inside and squeezed my already bruised heart.

I can’t take his kindness or his pity right now. I’ll crumble and fall to pieces.

Before I can respond, Max appears from his room. His serious expression is all but erased, replaced with his standard cheerful smile.

The smile I had plastered on my face for Noah’s benefit slips, and I bite down on my lower lip to contain the quiver as my emotions threaten to spill out.

It looks like he doesn’t even care. I’m barely holding on, and he’s smiling.

I need out.