Page 46 of Love You Like This

Every step closer I get to having her back fully in my life only heightens the need I have for her. I know tonight doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, but as my heart speeds toward its greatest desire, I can’t stop the swell of hope in my chest.

Eighteen

JADE

Present

This asshole definitely knows what he’s doing. His back is to me as he flips the pancakes, so I can admire his chiseled physique without him knowing. He always had the height, but with age and taking better care of himself, his shoulders have grown broader with muscle. I’m not sure which side of him is the nicest to look at.

He turns, tucking his damp, golden locks behind his ears. His hair is the longest it’s been since I’ve been back in his life. There have been times where I’ve found myself fighting back the urge to run my fingers through it just to see if it’s as soft as it looks.

But innocent touches lead to opening doors that I haven’t been ready to open yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. All I have to do is think about the moment I walked into his bedroom looking for him to find it nearly empty aside from his furniture and the way my heart fractured.

Over the years I’ve dated plenty of people, mostly men but a few women. Getting to know them was usually fun, but as soon as they pushed for more, I ended things. Opening myself up to the hurt that comes with falling in love is just not something I’m interested in doing again. Love doesn’t last for some people.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Xander slides a plate in front of me.

“Just zoning out,” I lie.

“Uh huh.” The disbelieving look he sends me says everything he doesn’t.

After he plates his food, he comes around the island and sits beside me. He turns his body toward me and watches as I take my first bite. The tart sweetness of the blueberries explodes on my tongue. I can’t help the little delighted moan I make as I chew the bite.

His gaze heats as his eyes lock on my mouth. I’d give anything to be able to read his mind right now. To know the real reason he asked me to come over. I know it wasn’t just to make me a late night meal and chat like he didn’t decimate my heart when it was still young and tender.

“Stop looking at me like that,” I say after I swallow my food.

“Can’t help it. I haven’t heard you moan like that in years,” he says with a little rasp.

Heat builds on the skin of my chest, moving up my throat at the heat in his voice. My brain and heart are on the same side here, but my body is forever a little slut for him. I look down at my plate and bring a piece of perfectly crispy bacon to my lips. I hate that he remembers how I like it, just shy of burnt.

“Why am I here, Xander?”

“Just to hang out. I miss you.”

“You’ve seen me every day for months.”

“It’s not the same.”

“So you brought me here just for the pleasure of my company? No ulterior motive?”

“We could have the talk that’s about fifteen years late, too, if you want.”

My body seizes, and I turn back to my plate. At some point he deserves to know what happened to me, what I did after he fucked off across the country. But right now isn’t the time. I’m not ready.

I see him nod his head out of the corner of my eye. “Thought so.” He sets his fork down and reaches over to set his hand on my knee. “But when you’re ready, I’m here. I’ll be waiting.”

When I don’t say anything, he pulls his hand back. He manages to steer the conversation away from anything heavy as we finish our meal. My body relaxes as he settles in to tell me about a harbor seal that likes to hang out in the morning on the sand behind his house.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” he asks as we stand side by side at the sink rinsing dishes off.

I glance at the clock. It’s nearly two in the morning, I should probably go home. But when I look out the windows and see the moon illuminating the water, I know I can’t say no. My home in Malibu has peeks of the water through trees, but I’ve always craved the water. The biggest goal I find myself working toward is finding my own little house right on the beach. Somewhere I can open the windows and hear the waves.

“I would, but I’m not dressed for it.”

“Come with me,” he says as he dries his hands.

Trepidation fills me as he leads me back into what I assume is his bedroom. He walks to his dresser and roots around looking for something. I do a double take when he pulls out a pair of pink sweats I haven’t seen in years.