Page 37 of Love You Like This

“Don’t be a Xander Jacobs apologist,” Amber says.

“I’m not. I’m just pointing out the root of the problem,” Stephanie bristles. “Their parents told Jade they were getting divorced the same day Xander left.”

“My mom is incapable of being in a relationship past the butterflies and roses stage,” I say quietly. “Her marriage to Stephen lasted longer than most of her relationships because he is just a wonderful man.”

Hazel nods. “So the complete opposite of my mom.”

I smile over her. “Pretty much.” I look at my three best friends and clarify that statement. “Hazel’s dad walked out on her and her mom like mine.”

“But instead of chasing the high of falling in love, my mom shut everything but her work and me out of her life. Never dated again and definitely never married anyone else,” Hazel adds.

“Fucking men,” Shan says.

“Makes me wish I was a lesbian,” Amber says.

“Same because who would choose to open themselves to hurt like that?” Shan downs the rest of her mimosa.

We all laugh, and the conversation turns from men and the past to better things. There’s more to my story with Xander, but I’m not in the mood to open up about it. It’s heavy, and if anyone deserves to know, it’s Xander.

I’m definitely not going to tell any of the girls about what he said to me last night. Amber would lose her mind. Stephanie would secretly be happy because, regardless of what she says, she’s always rooted for him and I to work. Shan would be somewhere in the middle.

All that said, I spend most of the drive home after brunch with my thoughts preoccupied with Xander. I’m not deluding myself into thinking I’m not still attracted to him. I don’t think that will ever go away. It’d be so easy to fall back into his arms just like the first time.

“Thanks for introducing me to your friends,” Hazel says as I pull into Stone’s driveway. She reaches for the door handle but pauses. “Can I say something?”

“Always.”

“I’ve watched you and Xander circle each other the entire tour, and while I know I’m a newcomer, I see it. The way his eyes instantly find you in every space you two occupy. The way he always finds a reason to be near you. I think he still has feelings for you.”

I press myself back against the seat. “He does. He told me the other night he wants a second chance.”

She nods. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” I sigh and blink away the tears stinging my eyes. “I’m scared.”

She leans over and hugs me, rubbing her hand up and down my back soothingly. “I get that.” Her arms drop and she sits back. “Let me know what you need, and I’ll be there. If you need a buffer between you, I’ll be there. If you want a cheerleader while you give him another chance, I’ll grab some pompoms.”

“Thank you.”

“Just remember, you both are different people now. You were so young, and nothing hurts like your first heartbreak.”

I nod and notice Stone walking toward us. Her eyes light up when they see him.

“You’ve had her long enough,” he says as he swings the door open. “It’s my turn.”

“You have her all the time,” I say with a laugh.

“It’s never enough.” He scoops her up, and she waves over his shoulder as he uses his hips to close the door.

I smile as they disappear into his house. Could I have something like that? Is it even possible for Xander and I to get to that point after all these years? I’ve seen him all but fuck groupies right in front of me for fuck’s sake. Granted that was only one time when he was high out of his mind and he’d just walked in on me with another man.

There’s so much mess between us. So many secrets. So much hurt. Yet, there is the tiniest spark of hope inside me that can’t be extinguished.

Fifteen

XANDER

Fifteen years ago