Page 119 of Almost Ours

“Fuck you!” I scream, spinning around and slamming my wine glass down on the table.

“What are you doing?” Josh hotly demands.

“Leaving!” I grab my phone off the sofa and nearly knock the Connect 4 board over with my knee when I stand.

“Great! Where are we fucking going?”

“I’m going home. You can stay here.”

“There’s not a fucking chance in hell I’m letting you walk the streets at midnight.”

“I don’t need you to let me do anything.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Ruby.” Josh snatches his hoodie off the back of the chair and yanks it over his head. “Fine. Walk home. Do whatever the fuck you want. I’m still coming with you and making sure you’re safe.”

“You are unbelievable, do you know that?”

“Yeah, well, I’m not having you wander around Lincoln at midnight because we’ve had an argument.”

“I can get a taxi.”

“Great. I’ll stand outside with you until it gets here.”

“Josh!”

“What?” He whirls on me again. “What exactly do you want me to do? Sit here knowing you’re out there on your own after what happened a few fucking weeks ago? Not happening. Over my dead fucking body.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care about you!”

“No.” I turn and push him square in the chest making him stumble backwards. “You care about yourself.”

“Oh, get a fucking grip, Ruby. It’s obvious I fucking care about you.”

“Then prove it!”

“How?” he shouts. “How the fuck do you want me to prove it? I walk you home, I wait outside your lectures, I know when you’re lying about being fine, I sit up with you when you can’t sleep, I think about you all fucking day, I make stupid playlists because every second song reminds me of you, I’m standing here losing my mind over the idea of you walking home alone and you’re still asking me to prove I care?”

“I mean stop hiding behind all of it!” I shout back, so wound up now I can barely get the words out. “Stop doing every single thing a boyfriend would do and then acting like I’m insane for wanting the actual thing. Stop making me feel wanted and then telling me I can’t have you.”

Josh’s face tightens, his green eyes locked on mine. “You do have me.”

“No, I don’t. Not in the way I want.”

He spreads his arms, looking furious and mean. “Then take what you want.”

I’m rooted to the spot, fighting to understand how any of this is happening. How a playlist has sparked such a huge fight.

“Go on,” he snaps when I don’t move. “You’ve spent the last half an hour telling me I’m the one stopping this, so fucking prove it. Take what you want.”

“Not like this.” I flick my hand out. “This isn’t what I wanted at all.” I march out into the hallway, the colder air hitting my cheeks while I hear him moving behind me, trailing after me, refusing to let me go.

“You do not have to leave in the middle of the night.”

“I don’t feel very welcome here anymore”

“Oh, that’s such bullshit.”