Page 154 of Smoke and Glitter

She was gone before I could argue.

She was wrong about the crisis. She was right about the email.

Sam is somewhere in London proving his claim that the city has buildings, food and several bridges. He sent a picture an hour ago of a pastry the size of his hand.

Sam: This seems excessive.

Me: eat it anyway

Now Anna's face fills my laptop screen from Chicago. She looks at me for approximately three seconds before leaning back in her chair.

"You scheduled this call instead of ambushing me with it, so I assume I should be concerned."

"That feels unfair."

Anna doesn't even blink.

"Is it inaccurate?"

I look through the glass wall of the conference room, then shut the door even though nobody is close enough to hear me.

"I want to finish the extension. All of it. I committed to the second leg and I want to see it through."

Anna waits. She knows me too well to mistake an opening statement for the reason I called.

"And after that?"

"I'm going back to Chicago when the extension is done."

Her expression barely changes, which is irritating because I had prepared for at least one raised eyebrow.

"Keep going."

"That's it? That's all I get?"

"Were you hoping I'd clutch something?"

"A little resistance would make this feel more significant."

Her mouth moves.

Then the smile disappears. "Is this about Sam?"

I look down at my hands. A few months ago I would have answered too quickly, because I would have needed the answer to sound uncomplicated.

"He's part of my life, and I want him there. But he isn't the decision."

Anna stays quiet, so I keep going.

"I thought I wanted the London office. I did want it. I wanted what it represented in my career. I wanted to build the team and make the calls and know somebody trusted me with something that big."

A bus hisses to a stop on the wet street below, its lights sliding across the conference-room wall.

"So what changed?"

"I don't want the next thing I build to belong to somebody else."

The sentence has been sitting in me for weeks. Saying it doesn't make me less grateful for London or less proud of what I did here. It just makes the next part clearer.