Page 40 of Grief & Glitter

Ryan leaned in and kissed me again, shorter this time, tender. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine. “Best date ever,” he whispered.

“Best date ever.”

I went around the truck and held out my hand. Ryan took it without hesitation. We crossed the short path together. He’d put his shoes back on for the walk from the truck, although judging by the way he leaned into me every few steps, his feet were hurting.

The closer we got to the porch, the slower we seemed to move, and at the bottom step, Ryan stopped.

His mouth twitched. “This is me.”

“I know.”

Under the porch light, I could see all the damage I’d done to his gloss. The dark color faded at the center of his mouth, and a tiny scatter of glitter still clung beside one eye. His hair had loosened during the night too, a few red strands falling around his face.

He looked tired. Happy. Beautiful.

“I had a really good time,” he said quietly.

I should probably have said goodnight. Instead, I touched his hand. Ryan looked down at our fingers then back up at me.

“One more kiss?” I asked.

His smile came slowly. “One more.”

There was no fumbling across the truck console, no surprise at finally getting what I’d wanted for weeks. Just Ryan’s mouth warm against mine, his fingers curling into the front of my jacket while I rested one hand lightly at his waist. The kiss lasted longer than either of us probably meant it to. When we separated, Ryan kept hold of my jacket.

“Does this mean I get to call you my boyfriend now?” he asked.

I smiled. “I thought I already was.”

“Good answer, Gids.”

One more kiss and he opened the door. “Night.” He glanced back and then shut it on me. I sat in my truck for a while staring at the closed door. My lips tasted of Ryan. There was gloss on my mouth, my suit was wrinkled, and some asshole was probably going to complain about me tomorrow. But I was smiling, and I drove home that way.

Chapter 13

Ryan

Falling asleep after such an amazing night had been hard.

After replaying every last detail to Dad over coffee—bad choice when hoping to get some shuteye—the kisses shared with Gideon kept playing over and over in my mind, leaving me hard and wanting. My makeup and hair needed de-beautifying, so it was cold cream and a shower for me, but first I gave my reflection one last twirl, then removed my dress. The magic dress that had given a closeted fluid man the courage to fling open those wardrobe doors.

Carefully, I hung my Cinderella dress—it would forever be known as that—on a padded hanger, then took a few moments to admire it. Then I yawned. Widely. A jaw-cracking one that spurred me to leave my closet—literally this time—to get ready for bed. My hair would require shampooing and lots of it. The makeup came off reasonably well with liberal amounts of cold cream and elbow grease. Humming a song from an old Disney movie, I stepped into the shower, thoughts filled with dances, tiny party food, and kisses. Kissing Gideon had been a life-altering experience. Sure, I had kissed guys before. I was no virgin. Old Ryan—the one who would do anything for some ketamine—had done anything for ketamine. I wasn’t proud of that, but it was my past. As Lyle says, we are not our past. We have to accept reality—all of it—without using it for self-hate. We have to make amends to those whom our past behaviors may have hurt, and then we have to learn to treat ourselves with grace. Not easy things to do. I was not fully there with the grace bit. Shame was a heavy yoke to cast off.

So, it wasn’t like I’d never had my mouth on another man’s mouth. My mouth had been… well, I’d kissed other men. But never with that kind of glorious emotion. Never with such gentle passion. Never with the knowledge that the man kissing me wanted me as I was. As I showered, I felt a kind of loss over the fact that I’d removed my lipstick because it held the taste of Gideon.

“Next time we kiss, we can do it naked-lipped,” I told myself, eager for more kissing and whatever else might follow. Just recalling his lips on mine made my dick hard. Taking matters into my own hands, I jerked off in the shower with scenes of the night and those kisses looping in my head. With a gasp, I came, spunk spiraling down the drain while I fought to stay upright. Wow. That was an orgasm and a half. After catching my breath, I lathered, rinsed, and repeated it twice. Dad was asleep in his room when I left the bathroom, his soft snores carrying to me as I tiptoed to my room in a towel.

Even after a nice yank in the shower, sleep eluded me. I started thinking about what might come with the sunrise. I’d seen the looks, even if Gideon and the art group gang had done their best to try to shield me. There would be repercussions when I arrived at the arena tomorrow. Today, actually. I finally dozed off into a fitful rest around three in the morning, coming awake with a jolt as my father pounded on my door.

“Hey, Slick, I know you had a big night, but we have an optional skate today, so we need to hustle our bustle.”

“M’yeah, I’m awake,” I muttered, wishing the sun wasn’t quite as bright. Seems it would be getting paler now that we were a few days away from November. Ugh, if the sun were up that high, it must be later than I generally roll out. Kicking off the covers, I grabbed some clean work clothes—the dreaded polo, trousers, and work shoes—and pulled them on. A quick piss and a dull old ponytail holder for my hair would have to do. Dad met me in the kitchen, wearing the same outfit as mine, and handed me a travel mug of coffee and a fried egg sandwich.

“You’re still glowing,” he said as we headed outside. I grabbed Gids’ hoodie from the hall closet, juggling coffee and food, and wiggled into it, but only after Dad took the sandwich. Once I was fully engulfed in the soft fleece, I took back my breakfast.

“That’s just the lingering glitter from my new palette,” I mumbled as we made our way to his car. No point in driving both his and mine. “I hope there’s no blowback from management about last night.”

Dad cranked over the Nissan, then looked at me. “If there is, then we face it together, Ryan. Now eat. You’ll need energy. We’re preparing for another road trip.”