Page 71 of Never the Same

I picked up Hollis’s phone and handed it to Alex. “Destroy this while I’m gone.” I left the kitchen, my heart thundering and nerves stretching tight every step closer to her room, torn on how to handle her, the “reset” revelation—all of it.

At her door, I propped my hand up on the wall alongside it, trying to make up my mind. Plan A: rationalize my way through what we’d learned while remaining in operator mode. Plan B: do the opposite of A. Be irrational. Be a civilian. Be like a teen from the ’80s with a boom box on my shoulder standing outside a girl’s house, about to declare my feelings for her through a song.

What song could I possibly pick to explain what I was feeling, and why I was feeling it, though?

I pushed away from the wall as I mentally skipped through my entire saved playlist and went for the door handle. No need to knock. If it was unlocked, that was my invitation to enter. And yes, I was absolutely about to justify my way into her bedroom with that mentality.

The door opened, and the moment I saw her stretched out on the bed, with her back to me and Ranger curled tight against her, I decided to cut straight to a third option. Plan C: wing it, go with my gut, and see where it took me.

“Go away.” The words cracked like a whip and yet held no weight.

Even Ranger didn’t budge when he heard my steps. He knew she needed more than him.

“Can’t do that.” Because I was a walking contradiction in the flesh.

“You don’t need to be here. I’ll be fine.” Stubborn woman.

I shut the door and rounded the bed. “You should’ve locked the door if you didn’t want me to come in.”

She refused to meet my eyes, and her face was partially buried in a pillow, so her words were muffled when she spoke again. “And you wouldn’t have picked it or broken it down if you wanted to?”

“Maybe,” I admitted. “But I guess we’ll never find out.”

Ranger lifted his head, ears perked up as if curious what I was about to do.

Your guess is as good as mine, buddy. I rested my hands on my hips, assessing the situation. From where I stood, my past, common sense, and Ranger were the main obstacles in my way of getting to her and fixing what I may have broken.

Someone may have manufactured her feelings for me with that dream by the power of suggestion and drugs, but that didn’t change the here and now. That she was under my roof, which made her mine to protect. Physically and mentally.

A half-hearted grunt of frustration sailed from my lips as I removed my shoes and set aside my own issues to get in the bed with her.

“My turn,” I told Ranger, and he got the message and jumped off.

The mattress dipped from my weight as I lay down.

“What happened to that three-foot rule?”

“On hold for now. You’ve had a tough day. I’m just trying to be people-y here for you.” I switched to my back and set my hands on my chest, head on the pillow, trying to get comfortable. “But my being here doesn’t change what I said to you earlier.” I could only let my walls down so much. I needed to remain as strong as possible with six inches separating me from the woman I desperately wanted but could never have.

Still nothing from her, just sniffling.

I could be quiet all day, all night. No problem. But hit me back with the kind of silence my old man used to give me as a kid? I’d wind up trying to fill in the blanks, becoming a talker. Didn’t make sense, but it was what it was.

“I’m sorry someone did that to you, that they created a false reality with me in it—the last person the real you would ever want to be with.”

While I’d expected her to challenge me, I didn’t expect for it to come in the form of a sudden pillow whacking my chest.

“What the—” The pillow connected with my face this time, cutting me off as Ranger howled. “Hollis,” I snapped while sitting and twisting around to catch her next attempt to thrust her pillow at me. I snatched it midair and wrenched it free from her, tossing it to the floor.

Ranger set his paws on the bed, barking. He was coming to her defense when I was the one under open fire. “Down,” I ordered before lifting my hands in surrender as she side-eyed another pillow.

She was on her knees, panting, ready to go to war with me in a way I hadn’t prepared for. Then she did it. Made her move. She picked up her next pillow weapon and held it like a threat between us. I grabbed the other side.

“I can’t have a pillow fight with you.” She knew damn well why I wasn’t about to wrestle with her in bed. I would most definitely lose on purpose, let her wind up straddling me so I could kiss her.

She kept a firm grip of the pillow, her eyes becoming glossy. “Then stop with that self-deprecating bullshit.”

She tugged. I pulled right back.