Page 41 of This Divine Revelry

‘No,’ I say quickly. ‘You can’t possibly be suggesting that.’

‘Me?’ Dionysus launches himself backwards like he needs as much space from me as possible. ‘I’m not suggesting anything. You’re suggesting something! An abhorrent something!’

‘Oh, charming.’

‘I’m the freewheeling god of revelry and fun, darling, marriage doesn’t really chime with the aesthetic.’

‘No one asked you to get married, darling.’

‘Well, good. I always imagined there’d be more ceremony to it.’ His always exuberant hand gestures have reached such excess that if he hadn’t already taken out the cups, I’d be concerned. ‘Candles, for example. Dried flowers. A fevered declaration of love. Someone I’ve known longer than two weeks!’

‘Well, I knew the last man who proposed for a handful of hours, so admittedly this is an improvement.’

‘It is not an improvement on anything because this is not a proposal! Do you see a proposal? Do you see me on one knee, Ariadne?’

‘Difficult to tell – it’s so similar to your usual height.’

‘You will not give me a complex.’

‘You hardly have capacity for another,’ I agree.

We’re both breathing hard, having finally burned ourselves out. Without the quips to hide behind, the logical path of it is difficult to ignore.

Well, difficult for me to ignore – I’m sure Dionysus is managing perfectly well.

‘You need to win in the world of rumour and tales. Marrying me would tie you to the Minotaur myth. You’d snatch the notoriety right out of Theseus’s hands. He abandons women on islands. You save them.’

‘And not just any woman – the princess who saved the Athenians. Who ended her father’s reign of terror.’ Dionysus’s eyes flutter shut, like he can’t bear to face the truth of it. ‘It’s a good story. A very good story. The sort that could bolster my powers considerably.’

‘If anyone would dare threaten the life of a god’s wife, it would be my father. But it’s as much protection as I could hope for.’

‘I’d need provocation,’ Dionysus says. ‘But I can protect you if he threatens you. I’m not lying about having enough power for that. Theseus too – one wrong move and they’ll be squeaking little dolphins.’

‘Olympus above, pick a new animal.’

‘New fish,’ he corrects – incorrectly!

I reach a trembling hand for my wine, wincing. ‘Please stop. If I’m to consider this, I need you to be less irksome.’

‘You to consider? It’s me who’s having to think this blatant entrapment through.’

‘You’re an immortal god – wait my life out.’

‘Immortal for now,’ he sighs, shaking his head. ‘Though this could cement me far more than any of my other exploits have thus far managed to.’

‘I am not an exploit!’ I protest, putting my cup down before I can once again be tempted to fling its contents over him.

‘No, you’re a story and I’m your bodyguard.’

‘You’re my revenge, actually. Theseus will be furious. I married the very being he thought abandoning me would allow him to become. I’ve robbed his precious tale from him.’

Dionysus calms a little. ‘Alright, if you’re seeing this as a ruse too, I suppose I can consider it.’

‘What, you really thought I wanted this? You’re a means to an end.’

He nods. ‘Likewise.’

‘Fine.’