Page 93 of Black Ledger

“No.” I exhaled through my nose, my shoulders tightening. “I… I… he’s—” I had no fucking idea how to finish the sentence. I had no idea what I wanted Severin to be to me.

I wrung my hands. Fear stretched up my fingers like a spider weaving its web around them. Severin meant too much, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. What would happen if we did fuck and he left me like he left every other girl?

And what if he didn’t?

What if he actually wanted me?

It was impossible. His father had already sent a man to try to kill me in the Gauntlet for being too close to Severin, and that was before we were ever romantically entangled. If we dated, his father would kill me. He already thought the Morozovs held too much power within the Bratva. If I married Severin, it would strengthen our House far beyond what Aleksandr would ever allow.

Not that marriage would ever be on the table.

“You love him.” Kaz shifted closer and grabbed my hand again, stilling my intense rubbing.

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. So I just shook my head no. I didn’t love him… I mean, I did, but not like that, right?

Right?

Oh, fuck. I didn’t know. I had never truly wanted someone else. Never. Yes, I’d flirted with Mikhail, but that was meaningless. It had always and only been Severin for me. But… but wanting someone was never enough.

Kaz cocked his head, his eyes soft and concerned. “You know, if you need someone to teach you how to kiss, I’m always willing to help a friend out.”

The tension in the room snapped.

“Shut up.” I chuckled and punched him in the shoulder. “You think that’s going to be helpful?”

A playful smile rose on his lips. “Of course not. But it would be fun.”

“How do you think that would make Nika feel if she found out you kissed me?”

His eyebrows drew together. “Why would she care?” he said far too quickly, trying to wave away the words completely.

“So you’re still going to pretend that you have no feelings for Nika?”

Kaz glowered at me and pulled his hand away. “You know, I can’t figure out which one of us is the pot and which one is the kettle.”

“Oh, I am definitely the kettle.” My lips rose into a soft smile. “I am certainly never going to be a pot.”

Kaz smirked and ran a hand over the back of his neck.

“I should shower in his room and wait for him there.”

“Yes, because you are boring and no fun.”

“If I’m so boring, why am I your favorite friend?”

He stood and offered a hand to help me up. “Because I am eccentric and fun enough for both of us.” He winked.

“You mean loud and annoying,” I said under my breath, taking his hand.

He yanked me up, not so gently. “You know, you’re trying to get into another fight with one of your friends… two in one night is a lot.” He laughed and shook his head. “Now go shower with his soap, dress in his shirt, and wait for him in his bed. He’ll love that.”

I huffed. I wasn’t sure if Kaz was being serious. Would Severin like that? Or would he be angry?

But I showered, dressed in his clothing, and slid into his bed.

After scrubbing all the dirt off me and out of my hair, I raided Severin’s dresser and found a T-shirt and boxers to change into.

Then I climbed onto his bed and sat cross-legged, waiting for him.