Page 53 of Soul of Discretion

Instead, he sat in his lone recliner and switched on the television before grabbing the blanket and pillow from the small table beside him. He’d found himself sleeping more and more in his recliner then in bed. The bed felt lonely to him now. Not for the first time today, he thought about selling the old house.

He sat staring, his mind in limbo, reconsidering his options. His years in the military had been fulfilling, as well as being an RCMP officer, but everything that had happened over the last couple of months changed his view on things. To think crUIzer had led him to the man who would so radically shift the way he thought his future would play out.

Nick knew the time was now to make some serious decisions about his life and what he was going to do with it.

****

Two days later

Nick wasn’t surprised by the inspector’s call the morning after Nick’s visit with Jeffries. Apparently, Jeffries retracted his statement and went on leave, hopefully to deal with his issues. McKenzie seemed pleased to be making the call and promised to reach out as soon as he had any information on the other charge.

Now Nick sat in Ben and Steph’s living room watching the Blue Jays play on their flat-screen TV. They were down three to one.

“So how are things, really? No bullshit,” Steph asked from her position on the couch beside her husband.

“You already know Jeffries dropped the charges and that I’m waiting to hear back about the rest,” Nick explained, doing his best not to get too personal. He should have known better.

“That’s not what I’m asking, and you know it so we might as well get down to the nitty-gritty,” Steph ordered. “It’s like half of you left when Simon did.”

Nick looked at Ben and pleaded, “Man, a little help here.”

“You’re on your own, bud. I’m worried about you too,” Ben responded before shutting off the ballgame.

With that Nick knew his friends had him trapped and wouldn’t be letting him go until they had their answers. “Listen, guys—”

“No ‘listen guys’ bullshit. We love you, Nick, you’re part of our family. So we know when you’re hurting. We. Want. To. Help.” Steph accentuated the last few words to get her point across.

Nick sat forward and ran his fingers through his hair. It had been growing a bit since he was on suspension and he liked the look of it. For the last ten years, his hair had been shaved high and tight. Maybe it was time for a change.

“Okay, what do you want to know?” He might as well come clean. They were his best friends and he was going to be godfather to their first child, whenever they decided to have one.

“How have you been doing with Simon gone?” Ben asked.

Going with the big one right off the bat shouldn’t have surprised him; they weren’t the type of people to pussyfoot around.

“I’m taking it one day at a time.” Damn, he sounded pathetic. “I know that seems odd for only knowing the man like a minute, but I can’t change the way I feel.”

“Do you love Simon?” Steph asked.

He could only go with the truth. “Yeah.”

“Then why the hell are you still here?” Ben was quick to respond. “You should know better than the average person that life is too short to be dicking around. Especially after Simon was kidnapped.”

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way? Then what, come back with my tail between my legs? What about my career? Admittedly, that might not be a problem if I’m fired.” There were so many unknowns. “Hell, we met on a hook-up app.” Though he would be forever thankful to crUIzer for bringing Simon into his life, what were the odds of something like this working out?

“Are you done thinking of all the reasons not to go to England? My mom always said if you want something bad enough you’ll find a way to have it.” Steph leaned over and handed Nick a card. “This will be a good place to start.”

Nick looked at the bold, red and white card and soon realized it was for a realtor but before he had a chance to scoff Ben spoke up. “You need to sell that house. It’s time.”

“But it belonged to my aunt, she lived in it her entire life,” Nick blustered halfheartedly.

“Would your aunt want you sitting around an empty old house alone or be with the man you love? Living a full life in England or whatever you call this partial existence you got going on at the moment?” Steph asked though she already knew the answers.

“But I’m going to be the godfather to your first child. How am I going to do that all the way from England?”

“We’re going to miss you too, my friend. You don’t think we’ll come visit? As far as being a godfather, it’s not a tough job unless something happens to us and we don’t intend for anything to happen. Buddy, you need to follow through on this or you’ll live with that regret for the rest of your life,” Ben stated with absolute certainty, and Nick couldn’t help but wonder what Ben regretted.

“I’ll think it over,” Nick agreed, and he honestly meant it. What did he have to lose other than everything? But he’d never been accused of being a coward as he flipped the realtor’s card through his fingers and considered his options.