Page 94 of Asystole

It was him.

It is him.

I can admit that now.

I’d wanted to curl up in Logan’s arms and spend the rest of the night with my head against his chest, fully relaxing in his embrace, but I know there are hard conversations that have to take place before that can happen.

As soon as I slipped between the sheets, I fell asleep almost instantly, still tasting Logan on my lips and feeling his skin beneath my fingers. The last thought I had was that I’m desperate for more.

Now, as I’m quietly getting ready for work, I write two sticky notes. One each for the people still asleep. I ask Kendra to make dinner reservations at a place of her choosing tonight. I need to end things before she leaves tomorrow.

And on Logan’s, I scribble three words: I’m not running.

When I crack his bedroom door to affix the note to his mirror, I’m tempted beyond belief to climb back into bed next to him. The sheets have fallen down to his waist, baring all that gorgeous, tattooed skin to me. Even in his sleep, Logan looks like the utter badass that he is.

Pulling my eyes from him, I step out of his room and quietly close the door behind me, but I’m startled when I bump into someone in the dark hallway.

“What were you doing in there?” Kendra asks, rubbing her eyes.

“I needed to leave him a note,” I tell her honestly.

“Like mine?” she asks, holding hers up. “You give everyone a to-do list before you leave the house?”

Knowing the end is coming means I’m seeing things a little more clearly now, and I’m not in the mood to accept her attitude.

“Let me get this straight,” I say, pulling her down the hall so our argument doesn’t wake Logan. “You’ve been pissed because I haven’t spent enough time with you recently. So, when I ask you to make dinner reservations to spend time with you, you’re pissed about that too?” She doesn’t know a breakup speech is coming, so I’m unsure why she’s so mad about the request.

“It’s just like, the first thing I wake up to isn’t you; it’s an order telling me what I can do for you.”

“Ken, it’s not an order. It was a request because as soon as I hit the hospital doors, I won’t be able to stop long enough to make the reservation,” I say, tired of the fact that my requests, my behavior, and my comments always seem to need an explanation with her. “We need to talk about some things before you go.”

Her eyes bore into mine, and I realize she knows what’s coming.

“It’s over, isn’t it?” she asks.

Fuck, I do not have time for this.

“I really have to go, Kendra. Can we just talk tonight? Please?”

“I’m not going to sit around here all day just so you can end our relationship by candlelight when it’s convenient for you!” she yells.

“Can you please keep your voice down?” I plead. “Logan has to work tonight, and he needs to sleep.”

“Are you serious, Chase? Our whole future is swirling down the drain, and you’re concerned about your roommate’s sleep schedule?”

“At least I have the capacity to be concerned about someone other than myself!” I fire back, getting angrier by the second before scrubbing a hand down my face and finding some control. “Shit, this is not how I wanted to have this conversation.”

Keeping her voice eerily calm, Kendra says, “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I’m so selfish because you’re so busy being concerned for everyone else that there’s no concern left for me?” Blowing out a breath, I pinch the bridge of my nose, but before I can say anything, she huffs and says, “This is total bullshit, Chase. I’ll be gone by the time you get home. I hope you’re happy.”

Then she turns on her heel and slams the door to my room.

I need to get my ass in gear, but I’m too shocked to move.

Had I expected it to be a totally peaceful breakup? Not really. But I had hoped it would be a civil conversation. I’d wanted to do it after work, where I could explain myself over a glass of something other than coffee as my nervous system returned to normal. I had planned to out myself to her because I feel like I owe her that much, but now? Now, my already frayed nerve endings are even more frazzled than I thought possible; my heart hurts, the pain in my head is starting to match, and I’m fucked because I’m late… again.

I want to go to her and try to make this better, but I still can’t move. My head is being pulled in so many different directions.

Suddenly, Logan’s bedroom door opens.