Page 91 of Asystole

“But what?” I encourage.

“Oh God, this is so embarrassing,” he says, shaking his head. I stay silent, not wanting to derail him with leading questions, and after a pregnant pause, he speaks. “I took a shower before we left for dinner. I was desperate to get a reaction, to make it work, so I let my mind wander. The first place it went was New Year’s, and I didn’t try to stop it this time. I just let the memory wash over me and…”

“It worked,” I finish for him, the light of hope growing brighter in my chest. “You got hard.”

“Yes. But why?” he asks, finally looking at me. “I mean, I never gave a shit that Hanny was gay, but I never thought it would happen to me.”

I can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes.

“I don’t really think it’s something that happens, you know? I think some people are open to making that connection and others aren’t. Sure, I mean, I’ve been gay since the day I was born, but I don’t necessarily think it’s like that for everyone. Maybe your body just caught up to the possibility that it could be an option before your brain did.”

Chase is still chewing on his lip, standing with his back pressed against my door, looking like someone ran over his cat. I hate seeing him so down. This man, who just wants someone to hold him while he holds the world.

Pushing my covers back, naked torso be damned, I pat the edge of my bed.

“Come here.”

Chase moves to sit next to me, shaking the whole bed as his ass hits the mattress.

“What is it that freaks you out the most?” I ask.

“Upending my whole life,” he says automatically.

“Would that really happen? Do you have the type of parents who would disown you and shit?”

Chase shrugs.

“I don’t know. I mean, they were fine with Hanlon being gay, just not with him hooking up with Stone. But it’s more than that. There’s Kendra to consider.”

“Mmm,” I hum. “Kendra.” I pause, debating whether I should say the next part, ultimately deciding that if I’m diving in, it might as well be with both feet. “Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. Some have temporary roles to play, and if you assess your time with her honestly, can you really say you want things to continue?”

He sits with that for a second, and when he answers, he remains staring at the floor in front of us.

“Earlier, you said you wanted to help me figure this out. Did you mean it?”

“Yeah, of course,” I answer. “But I also said⁠—”

“You’re not the right person for the job,” he answers, cutting me off. “Which is ironic because I think you’re the only person for this job. The only one who can help me figure this out. The only person I want helping me figure this out.”

Turning to look at me, Chase’s eyes are pleading with me, and what he’s asking hits me square in the chest.

I swallow hard, saying the words so he doesn’t have to.

“You want me to kiss you again so you can see if you feel the same way you did the last time.” I lick my lips at the prospect of tasting him again, even though I know this has the potential to kill me.

“I know it’s selfish,” he starts, “but I can’t stop thinking about it, and it makes me wonder if I built it up in my head. Or maybe it was so good because I was a quarter of the way through a bottle of top-shelf liquor? It’s not like I can just go out and find a random guy to hook up with because, while I know this technically counts as cheating, I also can’t help but feel⁠—”

Chase is rambling again. The sure sign of how desperate and overwhelmed he is.

Without warning, I grip the back of his neck like last time, and devour his mouth. If this is a turning point for him, I’m not going to hold back like I did before. It’s an awkward position, seated like this, so without breaking the kiss, I stand, pulling him up with me.

Pressed against him, clad in nothing but my boxers and him in his sweatpants, I press onto my toes and ravage his mouth. I don’t hide the groan his flavor pulls from me. I don’t hide the fact that my cock is rapidly swelling. I don’t shy away from licking, sucking, and nipping those full lips of his.

My hands roam because he wants the full experience, and now so do I.

My right hand dips to his ass, pulling him forward, forcing his cock to brush against mine, and he releases a throaty growl of pleasure.

Encouraged by the sound, I thread my fingers through his hair and angle my head to the other side, demanding more from him.