Page 88 of Asystole

Kendra doesn’t like hearing about my co-residents because she gets jealous of their time with me, and she—like my parents—doesn’t understand why I love to talk about the kids on the sixth floor so much.

“You aren’t at work right now, Chase. Let’s talk about something else,” she says.

I startle at the realization that I’ve become the guy who’s made medicine his life. Interestingly, it never seems to bother Logan. Our conversations flow so naturally. He talks about the hospital from his perspective, and I talk about it from mine. It’s how we decompress. It’s what we know. It’s the world we share.

Kendra updates me on her friend drama, her parents, and some new restaurant in Florida she’s excited to try, and I couldn’t care less about any of it because it all seems so meaningless.

I force myself to drink more in an effort to get out of my head long enough to be able to fuck her tonight.

God, that thought makes me nauseated.

When we get home, Logan’s truck is still gone, and my mind conjures a thousand questions.

Who the hell is Alex? Does Logan plan to go home with him tonight? Will he let Alex fuck him?

That last one really pisses me off, sending me into a tailspin as I pull Kendra from the car, determined to pound her into the mattress.

Fuck this.

She wants it, and Logan’s off getting laid. Why shouldn’t I?

As we enter the house, I spin her so her back hits the now-closed door. I push so hard that the air is forced from her lungs. The sound starts to turn me on until she says, “Jesus, Chase, think you could go a little easier?”

Instead of answering, I bend down, bringing my lips to her neck. She tilts her head to give me better access, and I nip the skin there with my teeth.

“Ow! Did you just bite me? What has gotten into you all of a sudden?”

“I haven’t seen you in months, Kendra, which means I haven’t gotten laid in months. Sorry if I’m a little excited.”

She gives me a wicked grin.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” she says, obviously pleased that I’m making a move as opposed to earlier. “Lead the way.”

I practically drag her into my room and wonder if I should apologize in advance for being a rough lover tonight. Something under my skin is dying to let loose.

Only, once she’s naked, it doesn’t matter how much licking or sucking I do, nor does it matter where my fingers wander to play, I still can’t get hard.

“It’s okay,” Kendra says softly. “I can get it back.”

I admire her confidence, and for a second, I think it’s going to work…but her hand is too soft. Too small. Her whimpers are too fragile for what I need right now, pissing me off all over again.

“Look, I’m really fucking sorry. I just don’t think it’s going to happen tonight,” I say, sighing in frustration as I slide off the bed and pull on a pair of sweats.

“Is it me?” she asks, and although the question is valid, I’m annoyed.

“No, I’m pretty sure my dick’s refusal to cooperate is all me,” I snap as another piece of this puzzle slides into place. It’s getting harder to deny the truth glaring me in the face.

I don’t even know why I’m fighting it so hard.

Yes, I do.

I’m scared.

Because falling in love with a man doesn’t fit the script I’ve written for my life.

Leaning my bare shoulder against the wall, I wish I could sleep. I need to fucking sleep. But I know sleep will continue to evade me until Logan comes home.

If Logan comes home.