Page 86 of Asystole

I don’t mean to interrogate Logan, but I was really hoping to catch up with him tonight. It feels like forever since we’ve had a second to ourselves, and having Kendra here has really magnified my desire for a quiet moment alone with Logan.

I miss his hugs. I could use one of his strong, unyielding squeezes right now, but instead, he’s walking out the door.

“Yeah,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder again with a brusqueness that sets me on edge. “Have a good night.”

I catch his wrist and keep hold of it until he looks at me.

“Is this a date? I’ve never heard you talk about him before.”

“Babe, what does it matter?” Kendra says, coming to stand next to me and wrapping her arm around my waist. “It means we’ll have the place to ourselves, and our dinner reservations aren’t for another hour.”

I hear Kendra talking, but my eyes never leave Logan’s…which means I don’t miss his wince.

He’s leaving on purpose.

“Hey, Ken, can you give us a second?” I ask.

“Seriously?” she says, causing both Logan and me to look her way. “It’s our anniversary. I would like to actually spend time with you, and I keep getting pushed aside for everyone else.”

Releasing Logan’s wrist, I point my finger in his face.

“Stay,” I command before turning back to Kendra. Grabbing her hands, I kiss her knuckles. “You’re right. I’ve been busy, and while I can’t help it, I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve been neglecting you. Give me and Logan two quick minutes, and then I’ll be in, and we’ll celebrate properly, okay?”

Beaming like she just won Olympic gold, Kendra flounces away as she sings, “Two minutes! Then you’re miiiiiine.”

When I turn back to Logan, his jaw is clenched, head turned away from me.

I don’t waste any time pulling him tightly against me. I know if we could just have a second to breathe and pause this crazy circus of our lives, we could get back on the same page.

But my frayed nerve endings don’t even have a chance to recover before he’s pulling away.

“Hey, man, we’re all good,” he says, patting my shoulder. “I gotta roll, but I’ll catch you later.”

I use the rest of my minute and forty seconds to stare at the door he just walked out of.

Somehow this feels much worse than New Year’s and the awkward silence that followed. At least with that, we both knew we had crossed a line… we had also both wanted it.

Now, Logan’s pulling away, and all I want to do is curl into him and have him tell me things will get better.

As I’m left trying to figure out what just happened, Kendra’s voice calls from my room.

I’m ashamed of myself for wishing she would go home already. I feel truly terrible for these thoughts, but she’s just another demand on my time, and I’m already stretched so fucking thin.

Sighing, I yell back, “Coming!”

She giggles.

“Not yet, you’re not, but hopefully soon.”

Nothing in me stirs. My dick hangs limply between my legs, silently begging me to not put up with the charade.

I slowly make my way back to my room where I find Kendra sprawled out on my bed in a piece of royal-blue lingerie.

She looks stunning, truly.

She was a competitive cheerleader in high school and undergrad, and she’s kept the physique that goes with that sport. She’s petite with naturally blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and tan skin from her life in Florida.

She’s a vision, turning heads everywhere she goes.