Page 13 of Asystole

Trauma and general surgery only take. They require my knowledge, my concentration, my energy, my time, and, to a degree, my health.

But these kids, especially Marcy…they give. Their laughter brightens my day. They face daunting challenges with incredible strength that pours into everyone around them. Some find this ward unbearable, but to me, it’s hope.

Their innocence and will to live make me want to invest every ounce of myself in them. And while there are grateful patients on the trauma service as well, it’s hard not to feel resentful when a gangbanger presents to the ER because a rival gang member got to him first, and instead of being able to go home after a thirteen-hour shift, I have to scrub back in for another two-hour case, only for him to wake up spewing threats if we don’t push more pain medication after saving his miserable life.

Not to mention the times we’re charged with caring for both the drunk driver and the victims they hit. It always leaves me reeling, questioning humanity, when the victims don’t make it while the driver walks out on their own two feet.

Marcy’s excited voice pulls me back to these precious moments I’m stealing with her, and she catches me up on the drama of the show. I do my best to take everything in and ask all kinds of silly questions to keep her totally distracted when the nurses come in to clean her port site. Marcy giggles and talks through the whole ordeal. She only winces once, and I can’t help myself. I reach over and grab her hand to let her squeeze my fingers when the pain hits.

My minutes up here always go by too quickly and, like always, I vow to come back again as soon as I can.

As I’m making my way to the charting room to finish dictating notes, I hear the intercom announce the arrival of the Life Flight helicopter. The team accepting the incoming patients works across multiple specialties on different floors, so the intercom is the easiest way to alert everyone at once to get them into position.

Hearing the announcement, my mind wanders back to last week when Logan and I met for dinner, and I wonder if he’s flying today. Seems like enough time has passed that I can shoot him another text without making it weird.

Chase

Hey man. You free tonight? I should be done around six if you want to grab dinner or something.

I don’t expect to hear from him right away, but his answer is almost immediate.

Logan

*picture message*

I don’t know, man, my schedule is pretty stacked right now.

I snort. The picture he sent was of his legs in sweatpants on a ratty old couch.

Chase

Yeah, I’ll take that as a yes. You up for hitting the climbing wall downtown?

Logan

I’ve never been rock climbing.

Chase

You don’t need any prior experience. It’s totally safe. I’ll belay you. You’ll be in a harness tied to me by a rope.

Logan

Sounds kinky.

Chase

Can be. Sometimes I get hard when I do well on a difficult pitch.

Logan

Too much information, Matthews.

Chase

Well, buckle up, Buttercup. Oversharing is my love language.

Logan