Page 117 of Asystole

“YOU WHAT?!” Chase yells, standing up so fast he slams his head against the frame of the SUV. “Ow! Fuck!”

“Yeah,” I start, chewing my lip nervously.

“Why?” he asks.

“You know how I have a habit of disobeying grounding orders and taking off with million-dollar helicopters I don’t own?” I ask, referring to the night Chase and I met.

“You didn’t,” he says.

“I did.”

“What happened?” he asks, moving his hand to my knee, rubbing gently to bring me comfort.

“A call came in about a woman who had been in an accident. She cut her femoral artery and needed immediate transfer. The hospital tried to ground me due to weather, but it was just a little rain. The real reason they didn’t want me to fly was that it was the fifth call of the day, and those asshole CEOs were concerned about fuel costs. So, I took off.”

Chase snorts a laugh and shakes his head.

“Holy shit, I love you.”

“Aren’t you mad at me?” I ask, totally bewildered at his response.

“Why would I be mad at you for doing what’s right and saving a person’s life?” he asks.

“Because without a job, there’s no way we’ll qualify for a loan for a new place, and I know how much you want a new place together,” I explain.

“It’s true. I do. But part of my urgency was just craving something with you. I feel better after telling Stone and Hanlon about us, and kissing you in front of my parents. Not because I need their approval, but because I don’t anymore. Getting a new place together is still what I want, but I’m content knowing we’re moving in that direction, and more than anything, I am so fucking proud of you for doing what you believed was right.”

Emotion lodges itself in my throat.

I want to give Chase everything he’s ever wanted. And I still can’t fucking believe he wants me.

“I’ll find something else soon, I promise.”

“I don’t make much. But I can keep us afloat for a few months. Why don’t you take some time to really explore your options? If I’m switching residency programs, we can look at a lot of different places.”

“But you love Boston,” I remind him.

“I love you. I like Boston, but this needs to be about compromise,” Chase says wisely. “We don’t have to make any decisions tonight. Let’s sleep on it. I’m glad I didn’t cancel the flights because we need that vacation. Maybe the break and the physical distance will give us a clear direction.”

Chase is the first clear direction I’ve ever had.

Chapter 42

Chase

As much as I’d wanted to take things to the next level with Logan last night, we both had too much on our minds. Between the stress of the wedding, my parents, our jobs—or lack thereof—and trying to get back to Boston to catch an international flight today, the desire to get off took a backseat to more pressing matters.

Thankfully, the flight to Aruba was smooth and was spent slowly decompressing from the last several months.

The farther away we flew from the rain that was drenching Boston, the easier I could breathe, the broader my horizon became, and the more I realized that I could enjoy the next several days and work on figuring out our shit once we got back.

Time with Logan is what I need.

Time to just exist.

Time to smile and laugh, to play in the sun.

Time to revel in not having anywhere I have to be or anyone who needs something from me.