Page 28 of If Cain Were Able

I nearly drop my end of the heavy dresser right on my foot.

“What?” I say stupidly, trying to buy time.

“Carl or Kevin or…what was his name?”

“Cain,” I answer begrudgingly.

“Right. Cain. Do you keep in touch with him?” Liam asks again.

“Not really. Why?”

Li shrugs. “I dunno. Kinda wish you had more friends. He seemed nice, and I’ve, uh,”—he pauses to rub the back of his neck—“never seen you look at someone like you looked at him.”

Shit.

“He and I shared some good times, but they’re all in the past, Li,” I say, trying like hell to deflect.

“Were you and he…ever more than friends?” my son asks, finally making it so I have no choice but to set the dresser down. Thankfully, he can slide it into place from here. “Dad?” he says, making me realize I have no idea how much time has passed since he asked me that question.

I don’t want to lie, but telling Liam the truth about Cain isn’t something I’m ready for. Hell, it’s not something I ever planned on doing.

“Yes,” I finally whisper.

“Before Mom, I assume?”

His tone makes it clear he’s trying to determine if I cheated on his mother with Cain, and while I’m a cowardly asshole, I’ve never cheated on a partner in my life.

“Yes. Your mother and I started dating shortly after Cain and I…” I trail off because what’s the right term? We can’t break up if we were never together in the first place. “After we stopped seeing each other.”

“Did you want to stop seeing him?”

At this question, I sit down in the vacant wingback chair, rubbing my jaw.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Liam says astutely, sitting on the edge of the bed, both of us staring at the floor.

“It’s complicated. Cain is…”

“Intense?” Liam offers, making me huff a quiet laugh.

“Definitely that,” I agree. “But also, magnetic? If that makes any sense? Everyone wanted to be his friend. He was athletic, smart, outgoing, and confident.”

“Don’t forget hot as fuck,” Liam says.

I whip wide eyes toward my son.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Liam says, furrowing his brow. “There was a time, not so long ago, you were banging a guy with a twenty-year age gap between you. Is it so crazy to think I could find Cain attractive?”

Suddenly, my fucked-up relationship with Taylor is glaring back at me through my son’s eyes. And not just because of our age difference, but the way I used him to try to fill the void Cain left behind. I made Taylor pay the price for sins that weren’t his. Thinking about Cain doing the same to Liam has my stomach dangerously close to emptying on his hardwood floor.

“And I will never be able to tell you, Damon, or Taylor, how sorry I am for treating him the way I did,” I confess.

“I think he’s found his person, so you’re probably forgiven.”

“I hope you’re right,” I admit sadly.

“So, anyway,” Liam says, “this trip to Boston. Are you going to see Cain?”

“I’m going to try my best not to.”