Page 32 of Thunder

Am I going to lose my job because I used the wrong technique? I mean, I did, didn’t I?

“Scottie, I’m telling you, you did amazing,” he tries, his tone soft and full of concern, and I choke, “Did I though?” unable to keep my thoughts to myself, “Was the incision correct? Was it below five centimeters like it should have been? Did I decompress the nerves correctly and reposition them in the right place? What if they move back and he ends up requiring a nerve graft because I didn’t place them in the correct position? What if his knee nerve tears? What if he’s always going to be in pain?”

Panic hits me so hard I struggle to breathe and my eyes tear up, my emotions that I can’t seem to control are running high.

I don’t even know what is wrong with me. I’ve been in the OR several times with Dr. Thomas. Heck, he calls me his prodigy, yet I’m terrified I’ve messed up Bradley’s surgery. He pushed for me to do it when I didn’t feel comfortable for reasons I refuse to understand.

“Scottie, look at me, darling,” Doc says softly as I roughly dry my hands and arms and I shake my head.

I’m going to cry, I can feel it, I want to cry.

“Dr. Aimes!” he says more firmly in his presidential voice, and I turn around without thinking, locking eyes with his. They soften as my tears fall because I can’t stop them, even if I wanted to, I can’t because like I said, my emotions are running high.

“I don’t even know what is wrong with me,” I choke as I roughly wipe away my tears, and Doc sighs as he pushes off the wall and takes two large steps before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. The first sob escapes as I tremble, causing him to hold me tighter.

“I-I don’t understand why I-I I’m acting this way,” I sob, and the man sighs as he pulls back and gently cups my cheek, wiping away my tears.

“You’re acting this way because you feel Thunder is yours,” he whispers and I instantly shake my head in denial, but he presses, “You do and it is okay, it’s okay to feel this way, it’s okay to feel confused. It’s also okay to question your every step in there which was perfect I may add, because of how you feel,” he gives me a smile, “He is yours and you are his and it’s scary. Believe me, I should know I’ve been there with Brit, but this reaction is completely normal.”

“But I barely know him,” I whisper, fear consuming me.

We’ve had one long conversation. Before that, I can admit to keeping my distance, so these feelings are not valid, they can’t be.

“And sometimes, like with Brit and I, all it took was for her to admitting to stealing a cat for me to fall for her,” he says with a small smile, “There is no handbook or lessons on how you know you are meant to be with someone. There is no book on how long it is supposed to take to fall in love with someone because in my experience, all it takes is one act. One look to know that person belongs with you and Thunder, he is yours and he does want you, you’ve just got to push your fears back and let yourself fall for him because I can promise you, he will catch you.”

A few more tears fall, and I sniffle, “I never felt this way with Kavan, even when I caught him with my sister. When she gloated about being pregnant, I never felt this scared of my feelings. If anything, I was more hurt because of her actions, her determination to hurt me when I did nothing to deserve it.”

“And that should tell you not to run now, to not let your fears take hold,” he whispers, “And as for in there,” he nods to the OR behind me, “It was amazing, and if I didn’t know you were at the end of your intern year, I would have thought you were an attending.”

My bottom lip wobbles and I confirm, “I didn’t do anything wrong?”

He grins and admits, “You didn’t, and I want you in Wincher, working for me. I don’t care what Doc says, you’d be better off in my department.”

I snort before taking a deep breath, and I wipe my face as he demands softly, “What do you do next, Dr. Aimes?”

Taking another deep breath, I answer, “I go and inform your wife of her brother’s condition, then I go and check on my patient.”

“Then off you go,” he says, then adds, “but make sure you tell her and the rest of them that Thunder is to have no visitors until he wakes up.” I frown as I look at him with confusion, and he adds, “When Thunder wakes up, he’ll just want to see you,” then adds a wink, and I know my cheeks are heating at the smirk that stretches across his face.

Ass.

Shaking my head, I walk out of the OR, down the hallway full of doctors and nurses and head to the double doors that lead to a waiting room for families who have a loved one having surgery. Knowing the nurse would have explained that someone would be out momentarily, and I shake my hands, trying to still calm my emotions.

“Kathleen, sit down, the doctor will be here in a moment!” I hear someone snap, and I wince when the woman I know who cannot stand me, replies, “That woman is not a doctor, she should not be operating on my son!”

Well, that wasn’t very nice…

“Mama,” I hear, and I quickly open the door and walk inside before anything else can be said.

I’ve already had one little breakdown out of fear that I messed up, I don’t need another one.

All eyes come my way, and I smile slightly as three men and four women crowd around me, hoping my nerves aren’t showing or worse, blotchy eyes from crying.

“How is he?” Brittany asks, and I gently squeeze her arm, hoping to settle her a little.

She’s clearly pregnant, and I don’t want her stress to affect her baby.

“He did really well,” I begin, “The surgery was a success with no complications, and he should be awake within the next hour.”