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“I’m not angry with Lachlan for what Nik did.”

“I know.”

“He defended me when he didn’t know I was listening. Everything he said in that office was what I would have wanted him to say if I’d been standing beside him.”

“Lach is a good man. Now it’s up to you to decide if he’s your man.”

My eyes burned again, and I blinked hard. “Part of me wants to go back in there right now, put my arms around him, and tell him none of this changes anything between us.”

Lacey studied me. “And the other part?”

“I don’t know whether I’d be going back because I love him or because I need him to make this stop hurting.”

I sat on the edge of the vanity stool and twisted the washcloth between my hands.

“Then take your time, and you’ll figure it out,” Scarlett said.

“I know. I think I love him. I just need to know those feelings are real and not something grief or fear created.”

“I understand that more than you probably realize,” Lacey said.

She sighed. “When Nik came into my life, he knew things about me I had never told him. He watched me, put protection around me that I hadn’t asked for, interfered in parts of my life because he believed keeping me alive mattered more than whether I agreed with the way he did it.”

She gave a small, rueful smile. “He also saved my life, and I love him. Both things can be true.”

I had seen the way she looked at Nik. There was no uncertainty in her love for him.

“And just so you know, Dr. St. Clair never tried to decide whether I should stay with him or not,” Lacey continued. “She helped me sort through everything until I could tell the difference between what had been done to me, what I was afraid of, and what I actually wanted. Once I could hear my own voice again, the decision was mine.”

“That’s what I need.”

“Then that’s what we’ll make sure you have. No deadlines. You take whatever time you need, and nobody is going to pressure you for an answer.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

An hour later, washed up and dressed, I stood inside Nik’s private elevator between Lacey and Scarlett. Henri and two DarkMatter men took up positions behind us.

Lachlan stood directly in front of the elevator, making no move to close the space between us.

“I wish I knew what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Mouse.”

“I just need a little time.”

His throat moved as he swallowed. “Then take it. I’ll be here.”

The elevator doors began to close.

Every part of me wanted him to stop the doors. But he let them close without asking me to stay or promising that everything would somehow be all right.

The last thing I saw before the doors met was Lachlan standing alone in the hall, his face as devastated as I felt.

Chapter thirty-eight

Istood in front of Lachlan’s door for a moment with my hand hovering over the scanner. The first night I came here, he stopped me before opening the door, had me press my palm to the glass, and added me to his security system with a simple, “Now you can get in whenever you need to.”

I’d spent most of the day next door with Scarlett, giving Lachlan time to work, pack, and leave without us having to stumble through another goodbye neither of us wanted.