Page 218 of At First Catch

Nolan laughs under his breath. “That’s the problem though, Hads.” His eyes shine now in a way I’ve never seen before. “I don’t know how to love something this much without trying to save it.”

The confession shatters something deep within me.

That’s the entire tragedy of us right now. Nolan loves so fiercely that fear keeps convincing him responsibility matters more than connection.

I reach for his hand. And for one heartbreaking moment, he grips mine like it’s his lifeline.

“I don’t think we’re good for each other like this right now,” I whisper.

The second the words leave my mouth, Nolan physically stills. Like his entire body forgot how to breathe.

“Hads.”

Pain slices through my chest at hearing my name in his voice like that. But I force myself to continue anyway because if I stop now, I’ll never survive saying any of this.

“I love you,” I whisper shakily. “I love you enough that this is killing me.”

Tears finally spill silently down my cheeks.

Nolan lets out a ragged gasp, his eyes wide and vacant as he stumbles back, a desperate plea forming silently on his lips.

This is probably one of the worst moments of both our lives.

”You’re leaving me.” His breath hitches, his gaze fixed on the door, a desperate plea in his wide, unblinking eyes.

The words sound disoriented. Disbelieving.

It nearly destroys me because part of him still translates emotional boundaries into abandonment.

“I’m asking you to figure out who you are without fear making every decision first,” I whisper.

“I can do that with you,” he rushes out.

The desperation in his voice slices straight through my chest.

I know he means it. Yet I also know we’ve spent weeks trying and still kept falling back into the same wounds.

“You need to learn how to stay because you want to,” I whisper. “Not because you’re terrified of losing everything.”

The sound of both our breathing breaks unevenly through the tiny cottage kitchen, then Nolan says the thing that finally shatters me completely.

“What if I can’t?”

The fear in his voice is so raw. So devastatingly honest.

I close my eyes briefly, trying to survive the ache tearing through my chest. Then finally, enough it almost breaks apart before leaving my mouth, I say, “Then eventually you’ll destroy yourself trying to protect things instead of living.”

The tears on Nolan’s face appear so suddenly it physically steals my breath.

For several long, terrible seconds, neither of us moves. We just stand there loving each other helplessly while rain pounds against the cottage windows and something beautiful breaks apart between us anyway.

Then finally, Nolan lets go of my hand.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

NOLAN

The unbearable part of heartbreak isn’t the grand, explosive moment when it all ends. It’s the silence afterward.