Page 125 of At First Catch

I glance back down. Hadley studies me carefully from inside my arms. And there it is again, that scary ability she has to see directly through me.

“You’re scared this won’t last,” she says in a subdued tone.

I spent most of my life learning not to trust permanence. Not to build futures around things I could lose. And now I love a woman so deeply that the idea of losing her physically hurts before it’s even happened.

The fear sits low and heavy inside my chest.

“I don’t know how to do this part,” I admit roughly.

Hadley’s brows pull together.

“What part?”

I swallow hard once before answering.

“The part where I want something enough to be terrified of it.”

The honesty hangs heavily in the morning air between us. And for one suspended second, I almost regret saying it aloud, then Hadley reaches up and cups my face gently in both hands.

The touch is so heartwarming that my chest nearly bursts open.

“You know what I think?” she whispers.

I shake my head once.

“I think loving someone after spending your whole life alone probably feels terrifying.”

Emotion swells painfully behind my ribs because she always understands the thing underneath the thing. Not just my fear, but the loneliness beneath it.

And Christ, being known this completely feels almost unbearable sometimes.

Hadley’s thumbs brush along my jaw.

“I’m scared too,” she admits.

My eyes dart back to hers, wide with fear.

“You are?”

A small, sad smile touches her mouth.

“You’ve become part of my life really fast.” A fragile whisper, barely audible, escapes her lips. “The idea of losing that scares me now too.”

I realize we’re both standing here equally wrecked by how much this matters already, then Hadley presses a soft kiss against my mouth.

Morning sunlight spills gold around us while the marina wakes below and the woman I love kisses me like she’s trying to soothe every lonely part of me at once. Hadley kisses me like she already knows every fractured part of me worth soothing.

My hands settle instinctively at her waist, pulling her closer against my chest. Hadley sighs into the kiss. The sound melts something deep inside me.

God.

I could spend the rest of my life addicted to that sound.

Hadley pulls back just enough to look up at me, sunlight catching warm honey tones in her hair while my T-shirt slips farther down one shoulder.

Beautiful. Always beautiful.

“You got quiet again,” she murmurs.