Page 81 of His Forgotten Highland Bride

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Ronan opened his mouth to speak, to maybe call out to his wife as she rode away from him, but he couldn’t manage any words to defend himself. He was shaken to his core with shock, grief, and guilt. Even if he’d somehow found the words to speak, his wife had left him standing there alone in front of their son’s grave.

The guilt he’d felt at receiving Brenna’s letters was nothing compared to the weight he felt now. He’d kept her letters in his pack unread. He always worried they’d contain words that would make him long to come home. At the time, he didn’t think he could bear it, for he had also wanted to come home.

But this. This was so much worse than he’d ever considered.

He turned to see her riding away. He wanted to go after her, to beg for her forgiveness, but he didn’t know how to begin. Instead, he fell to his knees before his son’s grave and wept for the child he never knew. He wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there staring at the blank stone before Hugh came up next to him.

“I didn’t know,” he told his friend.

“You didn’t get her letters?”

He looked up at the sky wishing he’d opened the bloody letters. Had he known, nothing would have stopped him from returning home to her. “I didn’t read them.”

Hugh didn’t need to say anything. His silence spoke louder than any words he might have said in judgment.

“I was a fool.”

“About so many things,” Hugh added.

All Ronan could do was nod in agreement.

“What happened?” Ronan asked, grateful this man could provide the details he needed.

“Moira isn’t certain. Everything was going along fine. Brenna only had a few months left to go. One night the entire castle was roused by her screaming. I wasn’t in the room—it isn’t a place for a man—but I was outside in the hall, and I will never forget the sounds of her…” He shook his head. “It haunts me still all these years later. She was clearly in a great deal of pain with the birth, and it was too soon for the babe to come. She told me months later that he’d breathed a few times as she held him, but then he was gone. And so was she for a long time after. She was there, but not.”

“Alone.”

“Aye. Even surrounded by all of us. Of course, Ewan used it to taunt her. He told her how disappointed you would be that she’d lost the babe. As if the lass didn’t blame herself enough already.”

“Just now, as I stepped up, she’d apologized. She thinks she’s responsible.” Ronan wanted to find Ewan and break his neck with his bare hands. But doing so wouldn’t do anything to alleviate his true anger with himself.

“She was so afraid to write to you and tell you what happened because Ewan had convinced her you would want to cast her away. Geordie and the rest of us told her the opposite, but we all know the bad things are easiest for us to believe, especially when we already think them true ourselves.”

And after she’d worked up the courage to write him, in the midst of her own grief, he’d not had the decency to read her letters for fear she would make him feel guilty for leaving her? As if that amount of guilt was anything in comparison to what he was feeling now. Every bit of it earned because he’d left his wife without so much as a word and not been there when she’d needed him most.

“I don’t even know how to begin to make this right,” he whispered more to himself as he looked down at the blank stone. “Why is it blank?” he asked the warrior.

Hugh shook his head. “I canna say. She called the babe Marcas for it was your father’s middle name, but she never had the stone etched. It seemed she was waiting.”

He clasped the man on the shoulder. “Thank ye, for watching over her.” It was true enough the men that guarded her served her better than Ronan ever had. He was ashamed of how selfish he’d been.

Ronan rode back to the keep and handed Brimstone over to a lad to see to him. Ronan normally cared for his horse, but today he had other things to do.

Pushing his leg harder than he should, he rushed upstairs; passing his chamber, he continued to the chamber he’d first shared with Brenna when he’d arrived home. Going to the trunk at the foot of the bed, he opened it and searched until he found his knapsack.

The four letters from Brenna were neatly stacked in the bottom. He’d kept them in order, so opening the first one was easy.

Dearest husband,

I hope this letter finds you safe and healthy. As you can see, I’ve learned to write, as well as read. Your grandsire has been so kind with his impatient pupil.

I have some other wonderful news to share. I am with child. To be sure we know when the babe was conceived, so it’s easy enough to know the bairn will arrive near the end of February.

I understand you did not wish to wed me, but I hope you are pleased to become a father. Geordie said you would be excited as he is by the news.

Please be safe. I look forward to seeing you soon.