Page 27 of His Secret Highland Bride

Doran nodded. “My da was a bastard, to be sure, but my ma loved us. I think I was angry at ye for coming to take her place.”

She let out a sigh. It seemed she was doing a lot of that lately. Taking the place of someone who was deeply loved. She wondered if she might ever have her own place.

Later that day, when Shane returned, she noticed a change in him. He was smiling, and his eyes were not so haunted as she’d come to know them.

“Are you well?” she asked.

He smiled wider and nodded. “Aye. I’m better than I have been in some time. The rain washes things clean.”

“That’s good.” She pointed to the pot on the fire. “I’ve already collected the rabbits and started a stew for our dinner.”

“I didn’t wed ye to make you my servant,” he said as water dripped off the ends of his hair.

“I know. You married me to protect me. I am fully aware of that. But I might as well be of some use. I know you do not want me. I am not a suitable replacement for what you once had. I am not like her. I am… I’m nothing but rabbit stew.”

His eyes went wide as he dropped his hand to his side.

“You are…rabbit stew?” Of course he was confused—she was making no sense. But she couldn’t stop herself.

“I am boring. Something you are grateful for because it is all you have at hand, but not something you truly desire. Not something with flavor and…spices.”

His brows smashed together for a moment, and then, as she watched, he seemed to understand.

“Ye don’t seem to know how much I enjoy rabbit stew. Coming home, the scent of it relaxes me. Makes me happy to be home, where I’m safe and comforted. And I would gladly have it every day and never tire of it.” He rubbed his chin. “I’m running out of things to say about stew, so might I just tell ye what I like about you?”

She hung her head, embarrassed for leading them into this ridiculous conversation.

“I like that you are here when I wake up in the morning and come home in the evening. Seeing you gives me peace. Talking with you gives me comfort. You are warmth.”

“Warmth when you once had heat.”

“It was wrong of me to tell you about Maria.”

She didn’t think it was possible for her to feel worse, but she did. She shook her head. “Nay. It was not wrong of you to tell me about her.”

“You’re upset and making comparisons when the two of you couldn’t be any more different.”

She did not feel the bite to his words she’d felt when he’d said as much earlier. She was not Maria and never planned to be. She was herself and was generally pleased with that. She knew Shane had loved his wife, while Lindsay was no more than an obligation. She didn’t begrudge him his feelings for Maria. She looked him in the eye and did her best to explain.

“I don’t wish her to be less to you. I just wish I was…more.”

…

Shane felt her words in the center of his chest as if he’d just taken a hit with a club. She wanted to be more to him, when she was quickly becoming everything. So much so, it frightened him.

Earlier in the day, when he’d been sitting in the rain in front of Maria’s stone, he’d told her about Lindsay and how she’d helped him start to heal. How Lindsay had given him a sacred place and encouraged him to remember Maria. And sitting there drenched and a bit chilly, he realized he was smiling as he spoke of Lindsay.

Lindsay.

Every response and reaction seemed the exact opposite of what he would have expected from Maria. To the point he wasn’t sure how he could have loved Maria as fiercely as he’d thought when he enjoyed Lindsay’s steady patience so much.

He thought he had a preference, but he’d come to realize while talking to a stone in the middle of the forest that he could enjoy both extremes equally. Perhaps he’d needed different things at certain times in his life. When he was young and reckless, he’d embraced Maria’s spirit. And now that he was more mature yet unsure of his place, he needed the calm confidence of Lindsay.

He could love Maria and still care for Lindsay. But Lindsay just told him in her own way that caring for her was not enough. She wanted more. He didn’t know if he was capable of such a thing, but he was certain it couldn’t happen if he continued to keep this distance between them. He’d thought to punish himself by not allowing himself to be happy with another woman, but it was Lindsay who was hurting. He owed it to her to do better, to try.

And that night, he decided to do just that. As was becoming common, his wife changed behind the screen and walked out wearing only her thin shift that did nothing to hide the slight curves of her body from the light. Rather than glance away, he watched her.

She was tempting him. What he didn’t know was if she was doing it on purpose or was just naturally alluring. Or perhaps it was knowing he didn’t plan to deny himself anymore. Once she was settled in bed, he got in next to her but didn’t turn down the lamp to go to sleep. Instead, he looked at her, studying every detail of her face. He’d been near her every day over the last weeks, but now he was actually seeing her.