Page 19 of His Secret Highland Bride

Shane figured the offer of food and an honorable trade was too good to pass up.

“Good. I’ll check in on you. And, Doran, I’ll come for you soon to start your training.” He turned back to Munro, who set to his new duties straightaway.

“How about we go inside for some bannocks with honey and get to know one another better?” he suggested, and the smaller boys rushed forward at the offer of food.

Doran looked back to Shane.

“You have a choice to be a better man than your da. This is your chance. Munro is a good man. He’ll not raise a hand to any of ye—you have my word on that.”

Doran nodded and went inside. Shane didn’t expect gratitude or excitement. This was a big change for them and a scary one. Shane also faced a big change. Marriage. The thought stirred his stomach to knots.

In the year since Maria had died, he’d not once thought of ever marrying again. But here he was, planning to take on another wife, even if for some kind of convenience. He’d give her his name, but she could never have his heart.

…

Rather than marry Lindsay in the village near the castle, where someone might question his name or recognize him, he took them to the next village to find a priest.

She rode with him on Hades, and he took things slow so as not to jostle her injuries. It had been two days since he’d proposed marriage, and she insisted she was fine. Still, he didn’t so much as rest his hand on her for fear he might press on something that would cause her pain. Instead, he sat behind her, breathing in the smell of sunshine and lavender in her hair and wishing he could touch every part of her. Not that he would. He was marrying her to protect her and would do so no matter what he or his body might wish.

They crossed over a sparkling river, and he shared stories of fishing there when he was a lad. When they broke through the dense grove of trees, he shared that this had been the field where he’d been blooded. “I took my first life here at the age of six and ten, and I thought I’d lose my stomach all over the body. My da was proud, and I tried to be as well, but mostly I remember how easy it was. How warm the man’s blood was when it ran over my hand. I thought I was ready. I’d heard many stories. But the stories don’t allow you to feel it like doing it. The smells and sounds…” He shook his head. “I tried to think of ways to never have to do it again.” He smirked at the thought.

He, a soldier, who had been paid to end lives every day for the last five years.

“I assume it didn’t work, as you ended up in France.”

“Nay. It didn’t. And it became easier after that first one. Knowing what it would be like helped with the fear. I’d never say it has become easy, for I do still claim a soul. But every life I’ve taken was to protect my own or someone else’s. I would never kill for the sake of it.”

Death was common enough at war, and Shane had become almost numb to the sight. Except for one death that still haunted him with every breath he took. He may not have drawn the sword that ended Maria’s life, but he’d abandoned her when he should have stayed and protected her. His wife’s blood was on his hands.

“I have never killed a man,” Lindsay said. “But after those two mongrels attacked me, had I sword instead of a stick, I think I would have done what was needed.”

“I shall hope you never need to know. I will protect you, always.”

Heaven help anyone who thought to hurt her now. They would know his wrath. It was one thing to make sure she didn’t come to harm. He would do the same for any in his clan. But he would defend Lindsay as he wished he’d protected Maria.

The blue sky faded to gray as they rode into the village just across the border with the Gordons.

When the cleric saw the bruises on Lindsay’s face, he frowned, but Lindsay explained the situation and why she wanted to marry as soon as possible.

Shane barely heard the words they spoke as he did his best to keep the memories of his first wedding at bay. He may not be able to love Lindsay as he should, but he could at least honor her by not thinking of another as they took their vows. He watched her, almost expecting her to change her mind at any moment. Instead, she smiled up at him as best she could with her swollen lip.

His chest clenched. He managed to smile back through the pain and guilt coursing through his body. This was wrong. This wasn’t the woman he’d pledged to love and honor the rest of his life. But he stood his ground and swallowed back the memories. It wasn’t fair to Lindsay. This woman thought she was marrying a whole man, and she’d soon find out she’d gotten only pieces. And the parts that were left were shattered and broken.

He realized how selfish his act of selflessness was. He pretended he married her for protection, but he knew as he stood there looking into her dark eyes that it wasn’t true. He’d wanted her soothing calmness to take some of his pain away. He’d not wanted to bear this hurt alone. He’d wanted to make amends by saving the woman he hadn’t saved.

He had offered marriage for him, and she didn’t even know who he was. She wasn’t marrying the MacPherson laird. She was marrying a soldier who had been kind to her. He realized when the priest looked at him expectantly that he didn’t even have a ring for her. He’d carried his mother’s ring in his sporran and had beamed with pride as he’d slid it on Maria’s finger. She’d been buried with it still in place.

“I’m sorry. I should have thought of a ring.”

Lindsay shook her head. “It’s of no matter.”

After they signed the register, the strangers he’d paid to be witnesses did likewise and the deed was done. He was married to another woman. It was as if his marriage to Maria had never happened.

…

He and Lindsay shared a meal at the local tavern before riding back home.

“You can ride a little faster. I’ll not break,” she said.