Page 98 of Discovering Her Earl

“Might I have a word with you?” he said quickly.

“Of course.” She followed behind him as he left the ballroom for the terrace.

After looking about to ensure they were alone he turned back to her with a pained expression.

“This is unbearable,” he said. “I can’t do this.”

“Certainly, they can’t all be unsuitable. They were selected because they were made for the duty of being a lord’s wife.”

He shook his head. “No. It’s not them. It’s you. Being here. I can’t move on with any of these women when you are in the room. I look for you instead of being attentive to them. I wish for you. I want you. But I can’t have you, which makes your being at these balls an unbearable torture. Please, Lainey. I beg of you to let me move on with this. Alone.”

She was not hurt by his request. Possibly because she couldn’t be in more pain and still walk under her own power. In truth, she would be grateful to have a respite from watching him move one step further away from her and what they’d had.

She’d known for months that this day would come and she would have to let him go. And now it was time to do just that.

Let him go.

“Very well, my lord. I wish you every happiness, truly.”

“I wish the same for you, Lainey.” He swallowed and looked about as if deciding if he should say something else. But rather than speak he simply bowed.

Tears stung her eyes as she curtseyed and returned inside where she found Aunt Rose and asked to leave.

They were outside waiting for the carriage to be brought around when Lainey’s last thread of control snapped. Tears streamed down her face and she struggled for breath.

“What is it, dear? Are you unwell? Has something happened?”

She knew what it must look like to Aunt Rose. She had reacted similarly the night of her come out, when that horrid boy had called her a stork and Julian had laughed.

“I will be fine, Auntie. I just want to go home.” And stay there indefinitely.

But by the time she arrived home, she realized it would not be far enough.

She needed to go away where she wouldn’t be able to hear of his marriage on the lips of their visitors. She needed to ensure she wouldn’t see him with his new bride as she strolled in the park.

He had called the situation unbearable and it was an apt word.

“I am returning to Egypt,” she announced the next morning at breakfast. “Today.”

Her uncle’s head snapped up as Aunt Rose gasped.

“But I will not be able to return until after the Season when the House of Lords is adjourned,” Uncle Henry said.

“I understand. I wish to go alone.”

“Why? What has happened? You were so distraught when we left the ball last night. Did someone say something to upset you?”

“No.” She let out a breath, feeling the pain in her chest and considered her answer. “That is, nothing was said last night that I didn’t already know. But it is of no matter and doesn’t change the fact that I wish to return to Africa as soon as possible. It is surely no surprise to either of you to learn I am more comfortable in the desert than in a ballroom. Please. I beg of you to let me go.”

“I shall go with her,” Aunt Rose said as she rested a hand on Lainey’s shoulder.

Her aunt must have seen her pain. Aunt Rose may not have been a mother herself, but she had cared for Elaina longer than her own mother had. Lainey was so lucky to have both her aunt and uncle. She now understood how they must feel for each other.

She couldn’t be the reason they were apart for even a moment.

“No, Auntie. You don’t want to leave Uncle Henry here alone. He needs you. I will hire a chaperone. Not that my reputation matters at all.” Her chin trembled and her resolve to be stoic snapped. “Who cares if I have a proper chaperone when I am otherwise improper.”

Uncle Henry looked at his wife in stark fear. “What is happening?”