Page 10 of Falling For Alaska

Happiness isn’t for me.

Contentment perhaps, but joy… Joy will have to stay buried under the ice of the lake, just like my past. Despite what films and books promise, not everyone deserves happiness. Some of us just have to keep going, survive, and wake up one day after another knowing there's nothing, nothing that could undo the past.

Figures are moving behind the curtains of the living room; they're already there, having a great time. I wish I would, too. Instead, I cowardly text Bella before revving my car and heading back to my place.

Me

Feeling sick, you guys have fun, I’ll see you soon, love you.

Jack

She didn’t come. Called in sick. Jared’s sister flew into the living room with a scowl. “Alaska doesn’t feel well. She won’t come.” She announces, setting her phone down, not thinking twice about it. Sick? Not buying it. She didn’t seem sick at all an hour ago when I held her in the woods. On the contrary, her skin lit up like it had remembered something it had long forgotten. Have I done something wrong? I had rushed to get here on time, honoring the manners my parents drilled into me, respecting people’s time, and never showing up late. I’d slid into a black pair of pants and a brown velvety shirt rolled neatly at the forearms.

Jared hadn’t lied; his parents are the real deal. The kind of folks you’d want as neighbors or lifelong friends, the kind you’d trust with a spare key or to watch your kids in a pinch. Their house is bigger than mine, warm with tangerine tones, plaid throws, wood furniture, and cozy corners that call you to sink in with a cup of coffee and a good book.

His mom welcomed me like family, arms wide open. It reminded me of my own mom, or at least, who she used to be before my dad’s heart stopped one random Tuesday. Before the defibrillator tried to shock him back and failed. That day shattered her. The light dimmed. Her joy, her dancing in the kitchen, the humming while folding laundry, it was just gone. She was still there, just…faded. A muted version of the woman who raised me.

Jared hadn’t mentioned much about his own dad, but Connor from the station had murmured something earlier, stage three, post-chemo, still fighting. Just like Alaska said, nothing stays secret long around here.

“There he is! The famous Jack!” a booming voice echoes behind me as I step into the living room. I turn and come face to face with a large, bearded man who could’ve walked straight out of a Hallmark lumberjack calendar. He’s wearing a red checkered shirt tucked into a thick brown belt and well-worn carpenter pants. All that’s missing is the axe.

“S-sir. Th-thank you for having me,” I say, gripping his hand in a firm shake, the kind older men use to measure you.

“The pleasure’s ours, really, really,” he says, letting go and giving my arm a hearty slap. “Lily’s been over the moon since Jared said you were joining us tonight. Son, you’d best prepare yourself, you’re about to eat the best food in Lakeside.” He chuckles, deep and proud.

“Oh, hush, you’ll make him uncomfortable.” Lily, Jared's mother, waves a hand at him, shaking her head with mock disapproval. Her long orange skirt shifts with her steps, and I notice the same loose curls as Bella’s, hanging past her shoulders.

“Guys, can we sit? I’ve been running after toddlers all day and my legs aren't working anymore.” Bella sighs dramatically, collapsing into one of the large armchairs in the living room.

“Sure, sure. Here, Jack,” her mom says, ushering us toward the couch and motioning for me to sit next to Jared while he takes the other armchair. The fireplace casts a soft glow, dipping the room into a fall movie. Jared’s a lucky guy. Not everyone gets to grow up watching their parents love each other like this. I got to experience it. And God knows what I would’ve become if I hadn’t. If my family had mocked my stutter instead of supporting me, all hell would’ve broken loose. I probably wouldn’t even have the small sliver of confidence I do now, which isn’t much, but it’s something.

“So, Jack, tell us about yourself. We’ve been excited to meet you ever since Jared mentioned you,” Lily says as she serves drinks.

“Thanks, ma’am,” I say, accepting what looks like apple juice in a tall glass. She pours the same for everyone. I glance over at her husband, who gives me a wink and chuckles.

“No alcohol in this house. New rule,” he says, staring in his wife’s direction. I’m guessing she’s the general in charge of that one. They’re playful, reminding me of how my parents used to be.

“That’s alright,” I say with a grin, lifting my glass in his direction before taking a sip. I’ve never been much of a drinker anyway.

“Jack just got here, so don’t go all question-mode on him, okay, Mom?” Jared warns, glancing her way.

“Okay, okay, forgive us for wanting to know more about your new partner,” she says, rolling her eyes. “So you’re from Minneapolis. How’s the move going?” she asks, her smile reminding me of my mom greeting me after school.

“So far…uh,” I clear my throat, “g-good. I’ve got a house near the f-forest, east side of town. It’s quiet. Lots of families, folks coming to fish. I even have a backyard.” As soon as I say it, I realize that’s the most city-boy thing I could’ve said. People around here don’t gush about backyards; they all have one. I used to live in a flat so this is quite a radical change for me.

“That’s nice,” she says without an ounce of judgment. “And you’re not far from the station, so you can sleep in a little.”

“I guess, but I’m an early riser, er, I…wake up at six every day anyway. Drove my p-parents nuts as a k-kid.”

“Just like this one,” she says, waving at Jared. “Every. Single. Morning. I didn’t mind, I'm like Jared, but Allan wasn’t having it.” She laughs, and it sounds like cotton and honey.

“I woke up,” Jared's dad chimes in, grinning, “I just wasn’t really awake.”

“Awake? Uh, awake with closed eyes, then,” she teases, shaking her head and winking at him.

“And why’d you come here? Was it mandatory?” Bella asks, playing with the hem of her pink sweater. “Surely there were more exciting things to do where you were?” I clench my forearms, caught off guard. I can’t exactly tell her why I’m here, because the real reason is mortifying but maybe I can give her a blurred version of the truth.

“My superior sent me to see if I could, uh, a-adapt and work with new people quickly. When I b-become a s-sergeant, I’ll have more on my shoulders, so they want to see if I can m-make it work here.”