Page 187 of On the Breakaway

“It doesn’t matter what Damon did. That was a year ago.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “He was fucking waving at you tonight like it was still some sick game.”

I nod. “Yeah. He was. He’s an awful person, but I don’t need you saving me, Grayson.”

His expression hardens instantly. “Of course you don’t.”

“I don’t understand why you’d break your promise–”

“Because what the hell did you expect me to do?” His voice rises, not quite yelling, but close. “You think I don’t know you can handle yourself?”

I open my mouth, but he keeps going.

“You think I punched him because I think you’re weak? Or because you need me to? No, I fucking did it because he doesn’t deserve to fucking wave at you. To do what he did to you. He doesn’t deserve to skate around the ice acting like he’s above it. To say what he said about you. And I just fucking lost it. Okay, I lost it.”

I get it. In my heart, I understand completely, and I might even like him more for it, but that doesn’t stop my head from spinning trying to make sense of it.

“If I can’t trust your word on something that mattered this much to me, then what am I supposed to do with that?”

He drops his head back in defeat. “That’s what this is, huh?”

“What?”

“A way out.”

My stomach drops.

“Avery, was there ever a chance that you’d want to be with me for real? Or have you been just waiting for an excuse?”

It’s the same thing Liam said to me. I’d been so certain then that that’s not what I was doing, but is it?

Is that what I’ve been waiting for?

I don’t need to turn around to know every single one of my friends is staring, the weight of their attention settling onto my shoulders.

My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

“This is real.” The words are quiet off my lips, but his eyes search my face like he doesn’t entirely believe me.

“It was one mistake. One. I’ve shown you for months that you can count on me.”

The hurt in his voice causes guilt to settle like a stone in my stomach.

I don’t know what to say.

There are twenty people standing around us, my heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest, and everything inside me feels twisted.

I want him.

I’m angry.

I don’t trust whatever the hell just happened.

I still want him to stay.

I need space.

And I don’t know how to explain any of that to him right now, so I settle for the exact wrong thing.