Page 35 of Love Sanctioned

“Talk to Mayor Winston. After all, he came to me representing somebody with big pockets and problems with you. He was standing in the very spot you’re standing in, God. Clutching that briefcase for dear life.”

I nodded, then turned to leave.

“All money ain’t good money.” Iso’s voice filled the space as I passed him to go back to the car.

“Maybe it ain’t. But everybody ain’t eating as well as you or able to walk away from this shithole like you did, God.” His tone held bitterness. Not to mention he had just contradicted himself. How was it enough money out here for everybody, yet his latter words said differently.

We were back in my car within seconds, no more words said to homeboy's weird ass. Regardless of his reasoning, this was the part of the game I had begun side eying. What part of it was this? Niggas allowing themselves to be used as puppets just for a couple dollars, believing it wasn’t that bad because it wasn’t dirty… Newsflash: all this shit was dirty.

We were on the way back to his people’s house for me to drop him off when Iso’s voice filled the car. “You got an idea who did this?”

I shrugged. “Charles Curr, the same old motherfucker who put a hit out on Unc. My guess is because in some sick twisted way he believes getting rid of me will grant him Watertown.”

Iso shook his head. “Damn that is a lot. But fuck, rest in peace to Unc. When was the funeral? Why didn’t you call me?”

I laughed. “Old nigga didn’t want a funeral. He wanted to be cremated and for us to go on like it was a normal fucking day. He didn’t even want Grams to keep the fucking ashes. Killah is gonna spread them in the water wherever the fuck he is.”

Iso shook his head. “Unc was a cold motherfucker, bro. I looked up to your uncle when we were coming up.”

“Shit, me too,” I mused, eyes focused on the road.

“How are you gonna end this?”

“I got too much to lose shooting in the dark. I’ma see Winston soon, confirm it was Curr. Then I’ma have his ass hit and them fucking NorthPark niggas… I don’t respect anything I just heard back there regardless of reasoning, but that wasn’t for me or you to handle. I have people for that.. Young niggas who like making messes and seeing their work on the news by nine.”

Iso laughed. “Only way to do it. When you do things too clean, that comes back to bite you.”

“I bought a restaurant. Been working on it back and forth for the last few months. It’s on the cusp between Watertown and Lower Briar,” I revealed, eyes on the road.

“That’s good shit. I got free meals when you open up, right?”

I chuckled.

“But on some real shit, I’m proud of you. You sound uneasy about the idea of change, but to me it seems like you’re moving toward it.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know about all of that, but I know I got a son looking up to me and the last thing I want him to see me as is just some street nigga who couldn’t let it go. Tryna give him more than just a legacy of guns and turf wars. Especially since I don’t want his lil ass anywhere near the streets.”

“I feel that. You’re hard as fuck on yourself, brother. But at the end of the day you know what you want and what you’re doing. That has to count for something, right?”

After I dropped Iso off, I took it in. I had done enough moving today and lowkey enough thinking about all the things I couldn’t change.

Tomorrow has to come around better… right?

NINE

Karsyn

I thought this was what I wanted, but it ain’t. I think it’s best if you don’t come around anymore. Steer clear of Junior. Just keep your distance and I’ll keep mine.

His words echoed in my head along with the blank expression in his eyes. Had I really been that blind as to only see what I wanted to see? He seemed happy, we were happy, and he was even getting through his uncle’s death with… but we were happy.

What happened that he was over us so fast? Thinking about that day gave me whiplash and had me ready to start crying all over again, but I promised my mother I wouldn’t. She had a tea weekend planned with a few of her friends, but before she left, she came in to check on me. Even though I hadn’t told her what was wrong, she knew enough. Hell, to be honest, I hadn’t told anyone. I had been holed up here for days, forcing myself to feel this, engraining remembrance into my mind and body, so I’d never forget how low I let a nigga take me. Because I swore I was never coming back here, not this physical place, but the mental and emotional one.

I blinked a few times, my eyes resting on yet another episode of Grey’s, right before the black streaming screen came on asking if I was still there. Of course I was held up watching reruns. I reached for the remote, about to resume, when my bedroom door was forced open and the light cut on immediately.

“Absolutely the fuck not.” Kolton’s voice filled the room right before he snatched the covers off my bed. He tossed them over onto the chair, then walked over to the windows.

“Leave me alone, Kolton.” I sat up, irritated. Not only did my eyes have no warning before he turned that bright ass light on, but he had also opened the blackout curtains, allowing the sun in.