Page 98 of Let’s Be Real

Adrian was aware I was visiting Louise with Nate. I’d had to tell him, so he’d know how close to the end she was. He stayed firm on his stance of having no desire to see her, and I didn’t blame him at all. Neither did Nate. Ben also wanted nothing to do with their mother, but Roman had come by a couple times—to support Nate more than anything.

One night, shortly before Nate showed up, Louise’s gaze cleared for a few minutes. We were holding hands, and not because we had grown especially close. It had just felt right. She might have screwed up big time, but Nate had forgiven her in all the ways he could, so I had too. And I didn’t have it in me to sit beside her and let her feel alone.

“Rebecca’s number is in my phone book. When I go, let her know, will you?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call her before?”

“No,” she whispered. “We said our goodbyes. But…I don’t want her to wonder. I promised she’d know when it happened. Please keep that promise for me.”

“I will. Of course I will.”

Her next breath was longer, filled with relief. “I can tell you love them both. I was worried about that—that maybe one woman loving two of my sons wouldn’t work, but…you have a big heart, Samantha. You’ll love them the way they each need.”

“Nate and I haven’t said—”

She pinned me with a frank stare, impossible to hide from. “You don’t have to say. I have two eyes. They’re about the only thing that still work. I’m glad I got to see what I have these past few months. I know they’re in good hands.”

There was no arguing with that. Nate and I weren’t there yet…I didn’t think. But at this point, it was semantics. I cared for him deeply, and he was in good hands with me. “They are. Neither of them will ever be alone. And Shira and Mazzy love Roman and Ben more than words can say. All four will be taken care of.”

“I don’t doubt you at all,” she replied, her eyes drifting closed.

It was a Sunday morning when Louise turned a bend she wouldn’t come back from. Nate called Roman shortly after we arrived, letting him know it was coming. He texted Ben and Adrian, just in case they changed their minds.

Roman showed up within the hour. Adrian and Ben gently declined.

We crowded around Louise’s bed, listening to her slow, shallow rasps. Roman had his arm around Nate, stoic except for his rippling jaw. Nate stroked Louise’s knuckles and leaned his head against mine.

It didn’t take long. At least it didn’t feel like it had. Her breaths became more and more spaced out until, at last, it was over. She was gone.

I almost couldn’t believe how smooth the shift from life to death was. One second to the next, everything changed. It stunned me into silence, my stomach churning from the harsh reality of how close all of us were to the other side. Only separated by a single breath.

“That’s it,” Roman said, breaking through the thick layer of our individual thoughts.

“Yeah.” Nate nodded a few times before letting his hand slip away from Louise’s. “What do we do next?”

Roman peered out the window, scrubbing his jaw roughly. “She told me what she wanted. She bought a plot for herself. Had it all planned out. All I need to do is make the call.”

Roman walked off to speak with Louise’s nurse, and Nate turned to me. I pulled him away from Louise’s bed, into the empty living room, and opened my arms.

“Come here.”

He fell against me, and if I hadn’t been braced for it, I would have fallen back. But I was ready. His breath was hot as he buried his face in my neck, but I didn’t feel any tears against my skin.

“You okay?” I slid my fingers through his hair.

He wasn’t crying, so I kept my tears to myself. I hadn’t really known Louise, but I couldn’t help feeling sad. Sitting with her the past couple weeks then it all being over like the flip of a switch was jarring. I couldn’t let myself take a trip down the lane of what it meant for a life to be over, though. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to stand strong for Nate if he needed me.

“I think so.” He paused, kissing my fluttering pulse a few times. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m glad I was here. It feels…finished.”

“I’m glad I was here too.” I held him tighter, maybe needing him as much as he needed me. “I’ve never seen that.”

“Someone dying?”

“Yeah.”

“Me either.” He kissed the hinge of my jaw and dragged his lips to the corner of my mouth. “Thank you for being here with me. I know this wasn’t the best start to a relationship. I wish it could have been all romance, but…”

“That’s life. We don’t get to pick the perfect moments.” I pulled back, just enough to look at him. He seemed tired, but I didn’t think he was going to fall apart. At least not right now. “I’m honored to have been here with you and Roman and Louise. Thank you for trusting me.”