Page 42 of Hollywood, Ending

“Do you have any pets?” I asked.

“I’m on the road too much. I used to have a cat.”

“What happened?”

“It died, Kai, thanks for asking.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I heard you met with Brian Arawas today. Are you going to be in Gods of Andromeda?”

“Dunno. I signed a test deal but—”

“No. Jesus. Kai. Remember, I might as well be a reporter. Everyone might as well be a reporter.”

“I loved meeting Brian. He’s a brilliant director, but I have no idea what my next project will be. I don’t even know what I’m doing this evening,” I said in a monotone.

“Better. Juniper has a reputation for being difficult to direct. Did you see that on set?”

“Juniper is the best-prepared, hardest-working, and loveliest actor I’ve ever met,” I said, holding up fingers for each of my three adjectives.

“Very nice. What do you hope people take away from this movie?”

“The feeling that love and art both have the power to truly change us.”

“How did it feel watching yourself on-screen?”

“I was mostly just watching Juniper and Matthew, who made me forget that they’re Juniper and Matthew. They just became Carly and Andy.”

“Good. Good. We’re making progress. So, listen, if anyone digs up the high school stuff, I’ll make it clear that’s off-limits. Is there anything else we need to avoid?”

“I don’t think so?”

“Because there was something glaring you didn’t tell me about before. What else don’t I know about? That’s my worry here. It’s in your best interest to tell me everything.”

“I really think that’s it.”

“Great,” she said. “Great. You’re gonna be just fine, kid.”

_____

After Ellen left, I took a nap. I dreamt about it—not about it specifically but about the courtroom. When I walked in for the first time, I remember being surprised by how small the court was, and by how few people were in the room. No press. No family. Just the jurors and the alternates and the lawyers seated at their tables and then him. I could tell he was there, but I couldn’t look at him. There was just a blurry field at the edge of my vision. I felt like I was betraying him. Everyone kept saying it wasn’t my fault, but I was still destroying his good name.

I woke up thinking about it, and about Ellen asking me about it. I didn’t want to expose myself to more of it just to be fifth lead in some movie. It wasn’t like I’d get to hang out with Juniper all the time; she’d be mostly acting with the lead guy and everyone else in the court. I called Bob.

“Flannery and Appelt,” said a polite voice.

I told them who I was and got patched through to Bob immediately. It used to be that all my calls went through Zoe, who’d tell me that Bob was “in a meeting” and would call me back, but now I went straight from the operator to Bob himself, who said, “What’s up, kid?”

“Say no.”

“What?”

“Say no to Gods of Andromeda. I don’t want to do the chemistry read. Sorry, but I just don’t want the role.”

“Can I give a reason?”

“I don’t want to spend six months in Canada playing someone’s little brother.”