Page 71 of Ashes to Ash’s

“Cal?”

He lifted his head, his features desolate, and I felt my stomach clench at the pain I saw in him. He was hurting because of them? They were still managing to hurt him?

“Baby,” I murmured, dropping down beside him, wrapping my arm around him, so I could hug him to me. It wasn’t usually my words that helped him, but the physical comfort I could always easily supply. See, learning. I don’t have to speak, I can just hold him.

“I… I’m being… stu… stupid…” he gasped raggedly, his breath hitching so frequently he was almost incoherent.

“Nope. Actually, maybe, but that’s okay,” I said lamely, because what the hell was the right response here? He watched his parents get murdered, was complicit in it, wanted it. Did that mean it was guilt he was feeling? Remorse? I’ve heard some people feel those things, but it’s not really a Cross family trait for the most part.

“I… I loved… even though… I… I’m s-sorry.”

“Why the hell are you apologising? You feel bad for having feelings? You feel bad for caring that they died? I don’t think they deserve your sorrow, Cal, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel something. It’s okay if you don’t too, but it’s probably normal that you do.” I grimaced. “Maybe you’re still a normie, and maybe I’ll never live that down, but it’s okay. Feel what you’re feeling. You’ve spent your life being suppressed from the things you should have been able to say, and do, and feel. I’m not about to be your next oppressor.”

Cal snorted, then hiccupped, pressing so close I think we literally melded into one person, and that’s without my cock up him. I think that’s still my preferred way, but this is nice too.

“You make… sense sometimes… Ash,” he whispered, the hiccups easing a little, as he calmed so slowly that I’d barely noticed it until now.

“Yeah, I’m wicked smart. Whatever. You wanna go fuck now?”

He gasped out a ragged laugh, slapping my chest feebly. “And you’re back. I don’t think I want… you any other way though. You’re who I need.”

I kissed the top of his head, lifting my eyes to the shower on the opposite wall. I wished I could somehow switch it on, and soak us both, so we’d have to get naked. Why weren’t psychically powered showers a thing yet? And they call me dumb. At least I thought of it.

“Ash, what are you plotting? I can literally hear your brain working on something wicked.”

I grinned at him. “Wanna suck my cock in the shower? I’ll get it all clean for you first. See how nice I am to you?”

Cal groaned, rolling away to rest against my arm and the wall.

“We need to talk first. I’m worried about other stuff than what just happened down there.”

“Something’s happening down here, babe. Don’t you wanna touch it?”

“I’m being serious!” So was I, but whatever.

I stretched my legs out in front of me, because apparently whatever this important talk was, it was happening on the shower floor in our ensuite bathroom, instead of somewhere comfortable.

“What? Don’t go thinking you’re dumping me, Cal. You’re mine, and I’ll never let you go. Remember what’ll happen if you kill me. I’ll still be right fucking here.”

He just sighed. “That’s definitely not what I’m saying. I literally just admitted I need you, Ash. And… I mean, your family… they’re terrifying, but they love so strongly. I’m starting to appreciate how important and special that is.”

“I’ll make a real person out of you yet, normie.”

“I’m talking about Ren.”

My smile disappeared in an instant, because I suddenly had this awful feeling that we were about to lose something we’d only just gained.

Cal

He looked like I’d just dumped him or something, and for that to be his reaction to worry about Ren was actually pretty surprising, and kind of a relief. But it didn’t change the issue at hand.

“I’m worried about him.”

Ash frowned, dragging a hand through his hair as he slumped against the wall.

“Is he leaving us?”

“What? No. That’s not the issue. It’s kinda the opposite.”