Page 31 of Christmas Coffee

Nova

Tinselly laces her arm though mine as we wander the mall. Cookies long gone, we window shop and talk. She finally asks, “So, what happened?” She’s holding a scarf in her hands, admiring the purple pattern.

I don’t want to tell her. It’s difficult to admit to something so stupid. “I did something stupid. Ben and I took on a bank loan a while back. The company was supposed to use the extra cash to grow.”

“I saw your spring patterns. They’re brilliant.” She’s talking about the leggings. That’s all we sell, leggings with amazing patterns that are fun to wear. The overhead is limited, they’re nonperishable, and the market hole demanded something other than solid black. Our expansion was going to triple the size of the company. We were going to include yoga pants in the spring line. It was perfect, until I got blindsided.

“Thanks, Tinselly.” I don’t really want to talk about it, but I fill her in anyway. “That decision changed things a bit. I couldn’t sign, even though I have good credit. No one wants to give a nineteen year old that much money. So Ben signed for it, which required shifting the business around so he was the priTinselly officer. It had to look like he had control, and since I trusted him…” I inhale deeply and close my eyes.

Tinselly grimaces. “You signed over your half of the company for appearances. And when you quit?”

I shake my head and pick up a purse, and look at the stitching. “I was expendable and the company wasn’t mine on paper.”

Tinselly flinches and lifts another scarf. “Nova, oh my God. But what about all your income, savings?”

I shake my head. “I don’t have any. I took what I needed to live on and no more. I reinvested the rest back into the business. I did that for three years. It’s why we grew so fast. I took chances and they panned out.” I stare at nothing and feel the sting of betrayal and loss. It fills my mouth with acid and regret.

Tinselly asks carefully, “And the rest?” It’s as if she knows that wasn’t the worst of it.

Tinselly turns to me,fury on her face. “Can’t you do anything about it? How’d you get nothing?”

“It’s my fault. I didn’t draw a salary and I didn’t save. Everything I had went back into the company. I’m the dumbass who signed away my half to get the loan.”

Tinselly stops fussingwith the scarves and looks at me. Pity flashes in her eyes and I can’t stand it.

A catcall rings out behind me. A group of teenage guys are leering at me. I smile at the guy who called me and give him the finger, before answering Tinselly. His friends all laugh at him and then they’re gone.

“So you have nothing?”

I lift my phone out of my pocket. “I have my iPhone 7.”

“Oh God, Nova. What are you going to do?” Tinselly slips her hand over my shoulders and gives me a bear hug before I can throw her off. Truth be told, I needed the hug. When she backs away, I square my shoulders.

“Well, I’m not telling Mom or Gran. Please keep them away from the hut.”

Tinselly snorts and we start walking again. “I can’t control Gran.”

“True, but make sure they don’t know where I work. I can’t take their I-told-you-so attitudes right now. It’s mostly coming from Mom, but Gran has it too. They think I can do better. They always think that and seeing me reduced to this, well—”

Tinselly touches my arm and we stop. She looks at me. “My lips are sealed. I won’t say a thing. So, is this a permanent thing?”

“No,” I mope. “It’s more like an I-don’t-want-to-skulk-home-and-live-with-Mom thing.”

Tinselly cringes, a shiver touching her spine at the same time I feel it prickle down mine. “You could always move in with us.” She beams at me.

“Thanks, but I’m okay. I’ll work through this and learn from my mistakes.” My chin is tipped up and she reads my thoughts perfectly.

“The lesson there wasn’t about trusting people, Nova. It was about partnerships and businesses.”

“Right, and tossed in the mix, is liars go to hell and I’m never talking to anyone ever again who can’t tell me the truth.” I look at my sister and see the remorse in her eyes, at the way her little sister is becoming jaded and hardening. “It’s that or crawl under a rock and die. Tinselly, my backbone is weak right now. A pebble could crush me.”

Tinselly shakes her head and holds onto my shoulders. “Absolutely not. We’re stronger than that, you and me. No man will break us.” She’s talking about him. That’s what we’d said so long ago, over and over—but she’s missing a key fact. I managed to hide it from her all this time and I’m not about to spill it now.

My trust issues don’t originate with Ben. They started years earlier, before I turned thirteen. My heart starts racing as the shadow of a memory creeps into my mind. The terror courses through my veins as if he were here, now. Tinselly notices and squeezes me hard. “Nothing will ever break us, Nova. We’ve got stubborn in our bones, and block head in our blood.”

I snort a laugh, remembering what we’d said so long ago after that night—after the red flashing lights faded and everything went back to normal. The only consolation is that the common threat is now gone, but he left a lasting mark.

I add, “All it takes is a second of bravery and a dash of awesomeness. You’ve become all those things, Tinselly. What if I don’t get there? What if I’m like Mom and I just keep picking the wrong guy?” My worst fear is becoming my mother and repeating her life. It felt vapid and hollow when I lived it as her daughter. It must have been a million times worse for Mom. “I thought Ben was a good man.”

“He fooled all of us, not just you. Nova, listen to me. You’re not Mom. You’re you. You’re going to make mistakes and that’s okay. Don’t bleed out on the sidewalk waiting to start over, okay? I know you. You’ve probably been castrating men from here to Staten Island.” She offers a knowing smile, and I smile sheepishly. “Be you. Don’t let Ben rob the world of Nova Nikolaev.”

Tinselly has an uncanny way of saying what I need to hear most, exactly when I need to hear it. After a moment, she adds, “And don’t make the next guy pay for Ben’s mistakes.”

I scoff at her. “There is no next guy.” Even as I say it, my mind goes to his face—to Celyn. I hear his voice in my head. There’s a hole in my chest and it’s consuming me. I wonder if his arms around my shoulders would ease the pain or make it worse. I don’t know, but I’m left wondering what kind of man Celyn is, if he’s showing his true colors or not.