Page 48 of Deacon

Waking up had not made anything easier. It had only made everything hurt in higher definition.

Pain lived in my ribs, shoulder, head, and lungs, a deep pulse that never fully disappeared and only changed shape depending on whether I moved, breathed too hard, or let myself think for longer than a minute. Machines tracked me like they didn’t trust my body not to change its mind and slip under again while nurses came and went, doctors asked the same questions, and Priest or Ink rotated through the room. Medication blurred some of the edges, but one thing stayed painfully sharp.

Lila.

She had been the first thing I saw when I came back, and the first thing I wanted once I understood she was real. In the dark, wherever I had been trapped, wanting her had at least been clean because she belonged to memory, regret, or dreams I couldn’t ruin any further. Reality put flesh back on the ache. Her voice was older, her eyes tired, and she had looked at me as though she didn’t know whether she wanted me alive or hated herself for being relieved I was.

I understood that look.

Hell, I deserved it.

I was half-dozing, or maybe staring at the ceiling because keeping my eyes closed had begun to feel too much like going backward, when the door opened. Nomad came in first with Ledger behind him, and relief touched both their faces before disappearing beneath the usual Saints restraint.

Nomad carried himself the way he always did, a man who knew exactly how much room he occupied and used every inch on purpose. Ledger moved quieter, but his presence had its own weight, something that never needed announcing. Neither made a spectacle of finding me awake. Saints didn’t do tearful reunions when an insult would cover the same territory.

“Well,” Ledger said as he shut the door, “look who finally decided to stop bein’ dramatic.”

I managed the roughest excuse for a laugh and regretted it immediately when pain knifed through my ribs. “Fuck you too.”

Nomad dragged the chair closer and dropped into it, studying me with narrowed eyes. “You look like shit.”

“Feel worse.”

“That tracks.”

Ledger leaned against the wall near the window and folded his arms. “Church was relieved to hear your stubborn ass finally came back online.”

“Priest let everyone know you were awake,” Nomad added. “Club took it about like you’d expect.”

I grunted because I could picture the scene well enough. Nobody would celebrate while I was still stuck in a hospital bed, but men who had been holding their breath for two weeks would have finally taken one. That mattered more than any speech.

Nomad’s mouth twitched. “There was one interestin’ part after, though.”

Something in his tone pulled my attention toward him. “What?”

“We were headin’ out. Priest had a prenatal appointment with Blue, and Ledger and me were gonna ride over here after.” He settled deeper into the chair, amusement flattening into something colder. “Then Sadie decided she wanted to come visit.”

My whole body hardened before good sense caught up with it. “No.”

Ledger barked out a short laugh. “That was about my reaction.”

“She said it soft too,” Nomad continued. “Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Wanted to come see you. Said it’d feel wrong not to after everythin’.”

“I wouldn’t want that snake anywhere near this room.” The words came out rough enough that my chest protested, forcing me to stop and pull in a careful breath. “I warned Priest about her when she first showed up. Told him somethin’ about her felt off.”

Ledger straightened from the wall. “He ever say why he kept lettin’ it ride?”

I looked toward the ceiling, more tired than thoughtful. Priest had never been difficult for me to understand. Stubborn, yes. Heavy with more guilt than any one man should carry, absolutely. But difficult? No.

“He felt responsible. Not because of Sadie. Because of Cain.” I shifted against the pillow, immediately regretted it, and kept going anyway. “Cain took Priest under his wing when he was a kid. Tried to teach him better behind Joker’s back and make him into somethin’ other than what Joker was breedin’. Joker found out and killed Cain right in front of him.”

Both men went quiet.

“Cain was more of a father to Priest than Joker ever was. Priest has carried that guilt ever since, so Sadie was never about love. Not real love.” My breathing had already started to shorten from talking, but once the explanation was out, I needed to finish it. “It was duty. Cain died tryin’ to save him, and Priest thinks he owes the man’s daughter whatever help he can give. Then she showed up pregnant, and that drove the hook deeper because he figured helping that baby land somewhere better than what he and Ace had meant breakin’ one chain Cain died tryin’ to break.”

Ledger’s jaw shifted. “Yeah.”

“Problem is, somethin’ is wrong with her.” I let my head sink deeper into the pillow and waited out a dull throb beneath my ribs. “Not pain or fear. Somethin’ else. She wanted Priest for herself. Every time Blue was around, Sadie watched her like she was standin’ in the way, and when Blue disappeared…” I exhaled carefully through my nose. “Sadie was too damn pleased by it. Too interested in fillin’ the space.”