Page 96 of Scarred Crown

“I saw an opportunity.” He frames my face and kisses me deeply.

“To best your father?”

“To repair something between us that never should have been broken.”

When his gaze meets mine, the sincerity in his expression causes my breath to catch. I want to tell him that I love him, that part of me has probably loved him since that night in the barn, even before that. I’ve loved him my whole life, in one way or another. But I don’t want to jinx what’s starting. We were inseparable once, and I want that back before I tell him he’s got my heart.

As familiar as he feels to me, there are so many things we no longer know about each other. Even though I have a better understanding of what went wrong between us, loving Nick still feels impossibly risky. Bungy jumping without being entirely certain the cord will hold.

None of that changes what I want right now, what part of me wants forever already.

Ripping the foil package open, I work it down the length of him. He braces his shoulders against the headboard, and then he crooks his finger and smirks.

I straddle his hips, and he settles his hands on my waist, guiding me down. As I sink onto him, my breasts brush against his chest, and he bites his lip. We stare at each other for a beat, adjusting to this new reality. There’s no backtracking from this moment between us. For the rest of my life, no matter what happens between us, I’ll remember what it feels like to have Nick as close to me as humanly possible.

There’s a weight to the air around us, and I’m overcome with the desire to show him how deeply ingrained he is in my heart, even if I’ve just vowed I wouldn’t yet.

He threads his hands through my hair. “You’re so beautiful, Jules. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how beautiful you are.”

My heart contracts in my chest, and I kiss him. We’ve told each other all sorts of things before—true and not—but I’ve never considered how he sees me. To have him think I’m beautiful is a gift I never knew I wanted.

One of his hands stays in my hair, maintaining our smoldering kiss while the other settles on my hip again, urging me into a rhythm.

When our mouths break apart, our foreheads rest against each other, and our breathing is labored.

“You have no idea how many times I thought of us like this,” he murmurs against my ear.

I wish I could say the same. But I wouldn’t let myself go down this route. Once his opinion of me fell so low, I couldn’t let myself imagine this ever happening. It was too painful. So instead of answering—the truth, which would break the mood, or a lie that would soothe him and hurt me—I kiss him again, holding him close, pouring everything I can’t say into him.

“Can you come like this?” Nick’s voice is strained. “Because if you can’t—”

I swallow his words, and warmth floods my body. Not everyone cares enough to ask. “I can.” I press my cheek to his and savor the rise and fall of our bodies against each other. The cologne he wears has a hint of cinnamon, and it’s subtle enough I can only catch a whiff when we’re this close. “Just like this.” I grind against him. “Don’t stop.”

“Don’t worry.” He nips my earlobe. “I’ve got you, Jules.”

He eases his arms up my back, drawing me even tighter against him. The heat between us is almost unbearable, but I don’t want to give up even one inch of contact. The slip and slide of our bodies in sync is the most delicious sensation. I throw back my head and moan as I chase the sensation building in my core again.

Then my orgasm is there, plowing through me with full force. I jerk toward him, my head falling onto his shoulder. His name is on my lips while I clutch the back of his neck. “Holy shit,” I whisper. My inner muscles squeeze around his length, and I want to stay here with him forever.

He kisses my temple, and then he picks up the pace beneath me, chasing his own release. “Fuck, Jules,” he groans as he thrusts up one more time before he stills and pulses inside me.

When our gazes connect, I realize I’ve never felt more in tune with someone. I stroke the side of his face, and he kisses me softly. All this time we’ve missed together.

“Want to write my name across the stars?” His tone is playful.

“Screw the stars,” I say, nuzzling his neck. “I’m getting your name tattooed all over my body.”

“Seems extreme, but since you’re my wife, can we put Property of before my name? There wasn’t enough room on your finger. Your body would make an exceptional canvas.”

I give him a light smack on his chest, but every time he calls me his wife, my heart kicks. If anyone had told me this would happen when I left for Tanzania, I’d have told them it was more likely Nick and I would kill each other than get married. There was always so much unresolved tension between us, and I couldn’t figure out how to bridge the gap. Then I stopped trying.

Knowing that this is what lay on the other side of our gap, I’m a fool for not trying harder. With other boyfriends, I kept searching for something I could never find. Each relationship ultimately ended in disappointment. With Nick, the intangible is just here between us. No more searching. I have arrived.

“Do you think,” I say, “if things hadn’t gotten so screwed up between us that it would have been like this then too?”

He searches my face and tucks a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. “Probably not tattoo your body with my name amazing, no.” A hint of a smile tugs at the corners of his lips before he grows serious again. “But I know I would have loved figuring this all out with you.” He shifts away from me and gives me a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

He disappears into the en suite, and I tug the covers out to slip underneath them. Despite what just happened between us, I can’t help the melancholy seeping in. We’ve wasted so many years.