Page 63 of Scarred Crown

Not just that—that’s normal—but I’m in love with him. The kind of love that movies, books, and TV shows describe but I never quite believed could be real. This sudden burst of feeling is every love song ever written. Stunning to realize how deep the emotion runs in me like it’s always been there waiting to be uncorked.

Once I’ve broken things off with Alex, I’ll go back to Nick. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him I’m in love with him.

A spike of elation shoots through me from my toes to the top of my head. Nick and I are going to be together. Really together. Everyone will be shocked. I’m kind of shocked.

When I storm past the edge of the main building intent on finding Alex, someone snags my wrist, and my dress swirls around my legs. I’m spun into the shadows and swept into strong arms.

“What—”

The rest of my question is swallowed by Alex’s lips hitting mine. My drunken brain takes a beat to realize what’s happening. He can’t just grab me and kiss me! Or maybe he can because that’s what we’ve been doing.

But I don’t want to do that anymore with him. I bite Alex’s bottom lip when he ignores my mumbled protests.

He steps back on a chuckle, grabbing his lip between his fingers. “Feeling feisty, are you?”

I shift away from the wall, my back to the path, and I’m mortified that I’ve gone from kissing one brother to kissing the other. Who does that?

The only comfort is that I kissed Nick before I kissed Alex tonight.

God, if Nick knew my lips had touched his brother’s, he’d murder me.

“I can’t do this anymore, Alex,” I say. He’s not looking at me, focused on something over my shoulder. “Did you hear me?” I slap him in the chest. “I can’t do this with you anymore.”

He smirks, and glances down at me, tucking a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. I’m tempted to slap his hand away. This is another reason Alex and I would never work—he’s lost in Alex-land and isn’t paying attention to me at all. When I try to speak again, he sweeps me into another unwanted kiss.

Once again, he takes my drunken brain by surprise, and my reaction is a beat or two behind. He’s completely ignoring what I want right now. I shove him, hard.

He staggers back on a chuckle. “Jules,” he hisses, coming back to invade my personal space. “Don’t be a fucking tease.”

“I’m not joking, Alex. I can’t—I don’t want to do this anymore.”

At the wounded expression on his face, my confidence falters. He doesn’t actually care about me, does he? All he’s ever tried to do is get in my pants. The number of real conversations we’ve had is few and far between.

But maybe that’s my fault. When he tried to talk about anything important, I fluffed him off, especially after the homeless veterans debacle. Although I pretended like him using the idea didn’t matter, I’ve never quite trusted him since.

Thoughts of Nick circle my consciousness, making it hard to concentrate on Alex’s feelings, on the right words to use.

“I know I’m going back to uni on Monday, but this doesn’t have to end.” Alex runs a finger down my bare arm.

“I can’t, Alex. I don’t think—I’m not sure we have the right feelings for each other.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, it’s just.” I really wish I was sober right now. My thoughts are muddled, and all I want to spit out is: Turns out, I’m in love with your brother. Surprise. Yeah, I’m shocked too. Sorry about that. See you around. Except, you can’t really say that to someone, can you? Drunk or not, that seems like a poor choice of phrasing. “I don’t think I feel the right things for you.” Who knows what he feels?

He chuckles and steps closer. “Didn’t seem like you were struggling in my room to feel something all those times.”

“That’s just—it’s just sex, Alex.” I flush. “That’s our connection. You know? You like sticking your hand down my pants, and I liked letting you for a little while. Hardly a love match.”

Alex rears back as though I’ve slapped him.

Drunk me is a mess. Why did I say that? “Sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry. I’m too drunk to be having this conversation, but it’s important we have it tonight. Right now.”

“I think it’s probably more important we have it when you know what you want. You’re definitely not sober. Where is this coming from?” His eyes narrow. “What’s changed?”

Nothing. Everything.

“I can’t be with you, Alex. I shouldn’t have—I should never have let it go this far.” Except I never suspected Nick might see me as anything more than a friend. I had no clue one kiss would send my heart spinning out of control. I’m drunk, but I’ve never been clearer on what I want.