Page 24 of Scarred Crown

A smile tugs at the edges of my lips. Her gaze is locked on mine, and all is right with the world. There’s nowhere else I want to be, no one else I want to be with. Should scare the shit out of me. But this is Jules, the one person I trust more than anyone else in the world. We’re always one hundred percent honest with each other.

“I broke up with her,” I reiterate. “I was a shitty boyfriend anyway.”

“Did she say that?” Her eyes light up with amusement and then she laughs.

“No, but we all know it’s true.”

“I never really understood why you were with her,” Jules says when my hand slides along hers.

I raise my eyebrows. She knows exactly why I was with Vicky.

She tugs me toward the bike, walking backward. “Okay, maybe I remember you saying something about why you were with her.”

Vicky and I might not have a lot in common, but she’s fucking hot. A few months ago, that attribute was enough for me. Seems hollow now. To be fair, Jules mocked me for my shallowness, accused me of letting my dick make decisions for me. She wasn’t wrong then, and I’m not sure what’s in charge right now. Doesn’t feel like the right head this time either.

I pass Jules a helmet, and I put on my own before climbing onto the bike. She gets on behind me and scoots forward so her arms wrap around my middle, the side of her head pressed to my back.

I place my hand over hers on my stomach before I start the bike. We idle at the end of the long driveway for a moment, and I consider the wisdom of what I’m about to say. But I can’t keep holding the sentiment in or I’ll do something stupid, ruin everything.

“I love you, Jules,” I shout over the noise of the motor. We’ve given the words to each other freely over the years—sometimes mocking, sometimes serious—but I’ve never meant them like this before.

“I love you, too, Nicky,” she says against my back. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Vicky.” She snuggles against me.

A hollowness settles in my chest. I roar out of her driveway to weave us along the nearly deserted roads of Bellerive, and I try not to examine the blithe way she said the words back to me, the sympathy in them for my shallow, fleeting relationship. If the situation were reversed, I’d be rejoicing at her singledom. Relieved she was mine and no one else’s.

The love she gives me so freely isn’t the kind of love I want from her anymore, and I can’t decide if I’m willing to risk this love to have a chance at the other one.

What’s my father’s saying? A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Julia

The zipper latching from the main tent, indicating Nick’s exit, is loud, even from the shower where I’m standing, shaken. What the hell just happened? A joke to drench Nick for being an asshole ended in a moment I didn’t want. Whatever came alive between us felt a heck of a lot like sexual attraction. But that’s impossible. He’s never seen me that way. One drunken kiss, and Nick’s scathing indifference is burned into my brain.

I wanted to see what it would be like. Now that I know, I don’t ever have to do it again.

That kiss. Nick scrawled his name across my heart and then cast me aside as though I meant nothing, as though we weren’t best friends above all else.

I thought I dealt with all these overblown emotions when I was sixteen. Or maybe when we were in college, and he was screwing everything that walked on two legs.

Ridiculous and stupid to let even a drop of sexual tension drip between us. Nick’s withering rejection years ago should have cured me forever. Who goes back for a second dose?

He’s toying with me. Payback for the spicy food and the cold shower. There’s no denying his attractiveness, and he’s well aware of his effect on women. This flicker of sexual attraction is manufactured, a way for him to let me know he can get to me even when I’ve barricaded myself in royal protocol.

Except I’ve thrown out policy and procedure since I got here. Idiotic.

We aren’t friends anymore. We don’t even know each other—little better than strangers given the distance we’ve wedged and widened between us, as though we couldn’t get far enough away.

We’re Prince Nicholas and Secretary Jensen. Nick and Jules have been gone a long time.

###

Prince Nicholas doesn’t come back to the tent all afternoon, and I’m too paranoid about running into him and having him pretend that moment didn’t happen to seek him out. I’m equally concerned about him admitting it did happen and him trying to recreate that pulse between us again for funsies. There’s no end to his charisma, and he doesn’t have a humble bone in his body. I’m not feeding his ego because my body happens to think his body is attractive. Me and half the world.

He has no idea how he ripped my heart out when we were sixteen, and I intend to keep it that way. Pretending we’re acquaintances is the only way I’ve coped for the last fourteen years.

College was the hardest. All the women who caught a glimpse of Prince Nicholas and wanted a taste. How well do you know him? Can you get me an introduction? Is he the boyfriend type? Will I become a princess if he falls in love with me?

An ache blooms in my chest at the memories, at the indifference I propelled out into the world, hoping it would stick. Not well. No. No. God, no. Any friend who showed too much interest was locked out of my circle. Didn’t matter though. Prince Nicholas still found a way to insert himself, to put me in the most awkward situations.