Page 133 of Scarred Crown

“Ask him about the wedding tomorrow,” Posey says. “I’m sure he’ll say it’s still on. He’s just angry, but it’ll pass.”

I’m not so sure. She didn’t see his face, and the memory makes me curl into her on another sob.

Nicholas

I didn’t let myself drink last night, but it still feels like I’ve been on a bender. When Jules told me she loved me just before leaving, my heart cracked in two. I wish she told me the truth. I wish I didn’t care so much about her closeness with Alex. I wish my father wasn’t dying.

My emotions are jumbled together, and I can’t separate any of them into something that makes sense.

Despite how shitty my life feels right now, the one thing I’ve learned as a royal is that the world doesn’t stop for my personal crisis. At least this time what I need to be present for is a result of my own doing. Today is Elena’s first surgery.

I texted Jules to let her know I’d be there, and she didn’t respond. I hope the implication is that she shouldn’t attend, but since she didn’t ask, and I couldn’t bring myself to spell it out without prompting, I’m not sure if she’ll be at the hospital or not.

No matter how angry I am with her, just like last time, my desperate love for her runs underneath like a deep, untapped reservoir.

For now, our wedding is still on. Part of me isn’t sure it should be—clearly, we’ve got a lot of issues to work on, but another part of me can’t stand the idea of an annulment. It’s got nothing to do with public embarrassment either. If I really didn’t want to be with her, I’d gladly stand in front of the entire country and declare our marriage a drunken mistake.

Every time I glimpse the tattoo on my finger, I realize how serious I must have been the night we got married. I thought we could make a lifelong commitment work, and abandoning our marriage would let down the faith drunken Nick must have had in sober Nick to persevere.

Kafil and Bahati come out to the waiting room, and the stress of the surgery is written all over Bahati’s face. I’d be a wreck if Jules was the one undergoing surgery. I can’t imagine how I’d feel about a child.

“Thank you, again.” Kafil shakes my hand and grins at me.

“It’s been our pleasure to arrange this for Elena.” An answering smile rises on my face automatically. I’ve been trained well.

“Where’s Julia?” Kafil looks around.

“I’m here,” Julia says, coming in the waiting room door. “Sorry. I got caught up in something else.” She hugs Bahati and Kafil, but her gaze doesn’t stray to me.

Was she standing outside the waiting room door gathering her courage? Or just late like always?

She comes close enough that I can catch a hint of the coconut shampoo she uses, but she keeps her focus trained on Bahati and Kafil, as though I’m not here. The tension in her shoulders tells me how aware she is of me, of her proximity to me. For my part, I can’t keep my gaze off her. You’d think I hadn’t seen her in years the way I’m eating up every detail of her appearance. Skirt, flowery shirt, blazer, heels, and her hair is loose. So fucking pretty my whole body aches with longing.

The gulf that’s opened up between us is almost palpable.

Kafil asks me a question, and I don’t catch it because Jules has slowly tilted her gaze to meet mine, and it’s like the whole world fades away. There are dark smudges under her eyes, and I wonder if she didn’t sleep very well either. I’ve gotten so used to having her body pressed against mine that the bed was hollow last night, a deep void of nothingness in the space beside me.

“Nick?” Kafil prompts.

I tear my gaze from Julia’s and let out a deep sigh. “Sorry. My brain is filled with royal business today. What did you ask?”

Julia stiffens beside me.

“If you’d care to go for a walk to find some breakfast? We were up so early we haven’t had a chance to eat. Bahati wants to stay here, so we’d need to get something to go.”

When I hesitate, Kafil says, “Julia already mentioned she can’t come. So, if you also have royal things to take care of, not to worry.”

My shoulders ease at the realization Julia can’t join us, but my gut tightens. The constant push-pull where she is concerned is back in full force. I long to both be around her and stay far away from her at the same time.

“I can walk with you to get some takeout.” I check my phone. “Then I’ll have to duck out for a while, but I’ll be back for when the doctor gives you and Bahati the rundown on the surgery.”

Kafil’s gaze shifts between me and Julia. “Okay, good.”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Julia turns her blue-gray eyes up at me, and my chest constricts. “In the corridor.”

“Yep.” I lead the way out, not keen on a scene in front of Kafil. My heart knocks against my chest.

Julia comes out and runs a hand through her hair. “I’m supposed to be meeting with the wedding planner today. I just—” She glances at me before her gaze slides away. “I wasn’t sure if I should press pause on that or keep pushing ahead.”