Page 82 of The Devil of Hollywood

“For you being a shitty husband.”

“I’ve been a good husband. How the hell have I been shitty? I’ve given you space. I’ve tried to let you work this out.”

“Because what I went through is just so easy to work out. Especially alone. You’re always watching, never showing. Shitty.”

Drayton growled as I turned again, spinning me back to face him.

“Do you want to talk about it? Talk. I’m here.”

“You don’t want to listen to this. You can’t even get close. You don’t touch me. All you do is watch me as if you’re waiting for me to break into a million pieces. Guess what? I already fucking did! It won’t happen again.”

“Because I wouldn’t let it.”

“I find that hard to believe with how the last few days have gone. I’m not alone, but I am. You’re here, but you’re not.”

“Not true.”

An aggravated sound exploded from me. “It is true! We might as well be in two different apartments for how separate we are. Maybe that’s what I need.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

“But I need to be in here with you? The one who’s upset that he can’t hurt me?”

“You want me to hurt you? You want me to go fucking crazy?”

“If it means you’ll be real with me.”

“You want real, Marian?” He grabbed the lamp, jerking the cord free and launching it into the wall. Porcelain sprayed out in large chunks. “Here’s real. Yeah, I’m fucking pissed!” He grabbed the edge of the end table, and I wrapped tightly around my chest as he sent it sailing into the wall where he’d thrown the lamp, breaking that into pieces, too. “Your mother fucking destroyed us. Do you know the extent of what she did? What she stole from us? Eleven years!” He grabbed the sofa, flipping it forward. “Eleven fucking years! And hating you? For what? God, what she fucking did to you. What she did to both of us. Sure, I’m pissed that neither of our efforts brought results sooner. You tried to get ahold of me. I tried to get ahold of you, despite your mother’s continued threats. But fuck! I hate this!”

Drayton’s fingers pushed through his hair as he fisted it.

“… I fucking love you, Marian. Even after everything. Even thinking you meant those accusations, I still loved you. I hated you, but goddammit, I loved you too. I’ll always love you. It was always us.”

I rushed forward, throwing my arms around him as a sob tore from me.

“We’re going to make this right. We will. We’ll work through our anger. We need each other as we figure this out. I hate that this has happened, but we have each other now.”

“Do we? Marian… I’m not the same man. Not even close. My needs, they’re dark. Sexually, they’re everything you heard. Crops and floggers, dark. Hurting you, dark. Who I am now⁠—”

“You think I’m the same? All I feel is anger and guilt. Guilt that needs release. I can take what you want to give. I can. I need it. Show me, Dray. Teach me. We can ease into that life. It’s who you are now, and you’re who I want. Our past was stolen, but the future is ours. As long as we do this together.” I bit my bottom lip, feeling myself morph back into my mother, back into the me who was desperate to have Drayton to begin with. My doe-eyed look had him so lost in my depths. Knocking on the door had my mood transitioning too fast. I could barely get control of myself as I blinked the look away. “Who the hell is that?”

Drayton shook his head as I watched him fight the delay from the sway. “Probably Elec. He mentioned swinging by to talk to you.”

“Great. I don’t want to see him right now. He’s a battle I’m not ready to face. I guess it’s better now than never.” I headed over, swinging open the barrier. “Elec. Of course. Come on in.” I gestured sarcastically. He didn’t miss it as his gaze went between the two of us. He jolted to a stop at the sight of the room.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” I headed deeper into the mess in our living room. “Drayton said you wanted to talk to me.”

“What is this?”

“Me.” Even as Drayton confessed and righted the sofa, he stepped closer to where I stood. “Marian and I are working through the past. She was safe. This wasn’t because of her… it was for her.”

Elec seemed to weigh his answer. “Alright. Well, I need to ask you a few questions, Marian.”

My arms went back to cross over my chest. “Ask away.”

He nodded, pausing to look between us and the room again. “When you were younger, did your mother take you in for testing?”