Page 115 of Aurelia

“Then explain it to me, Roland. Tell me why you cannot be faithful. Because I must confess that I am beginning to think men are simply incapable of fidelity. At least the ones who belong to our class. My father kept mistresses and purchased fine clothing for himself and gifts for his lovers even while we, his children, remade our own garments and lived with the constant terror of being evicted from our home. He squandered not only his own wealth, but my brother’s inheritance along with all the money my mother brought to the marriage. And when that was gone, he wasted his daughters’ futures as well. So, I know firsthand about the selfish hungers that can consume a man and how it can wreck the lives of those around him.” Aurelia bit her tongue to keep from allowing any more anger and bile to flow from her.

He lowered to his haunches in front of her, his gaze chagrined and… embarrassed?

“I have never offered excuses for my behavior because, at the end of the day, what I did was inexcusable. But if you are asking me whether I am capable of fidelity? The answer is an emphatic yes.”

“Why should I believe that?” she asked, unable to keep the desperation from her voice.

He snorted softly. “Given your experience with the male species, I suppose you will not accept my word as a gentleman?”

Although Aurelia’s immediate impulse was to laugh, she knew how men felt about their honor.

“Never mind,” he said when she hesitated. “I do not need to resort to claims of honor because I have not run out of persuasive arguments yet.” He gave her one of his rakish smiles, as if to assure her that he was not offended by her lack of faith.

Aurelia nodded, trying not to hope too much.

He resumed his pacing. “I daresay you will find what I am about to say difficult to believe, but there was a time in my life when I very much believed in love and fidelity.”

“I know. Nora told me how you were when you were younger,” Aurelia said, loathe to interrupt him, but wanting him to know that she believed him.

Roland looked pleased. “Nora has been defending my character, has she?” He noticed her strained look and he chuckled softly. “Ah, I see. She spoke well of the boy but warned you away from the man.” It was not a question.

He resumed his pacing. “Before my father interfered in my life and brought Nora to the island all I cared about was cataloging every bit of flora and fauna I could find. I didn’t notice females and I didn’t care if people spoke to me or ignored me altogether.” His mouth twisted into a wry smile. “But once I met Nora… Well, all the passion that I’d poured into science was diverted—at least temporarily—to mastering the art of love.” He snorted. “Or at least the art of sexual congress.”

He stared straight ahead, lost in his thoughts.

“I don’t know what she told you,” he said after a moment of introspection, “but I will share my half of the story. I believed that she loved me and I fell in love with her.” He gave her a wry smile. “You must think I fall in love at the drop of a hat.”

Thankfully, he did not wait for her to answer before continuing.

“Nora herself told me it was infatuation, that a lad of sixteen could not know his own heart.” He shrugged. “As it happened, my father took matters out of my hands. When Nora disappeared, he told me that she had run off with her lover. He said the child wasn’t mine. I didn’t believe him. Fights and arguments ensued and I made rash threats. He curtailed my quarterly allowance and essentially made me a prisoner in the castle. I hated him, but I hated myself more for my inability to do anything about my situation. But time dulls even the most painful wounds and he found ways to tempt me.”

He stopped in front of her. “Can you guess?”

“He funded a journey somewhere interesting?”

Roland smiled. “You know me so well. When I showed willing to forget Nora and the child, he rewarded me. He never knew that I used my money to engage a private inquiry agent. It took several years, but I found her and Guustin and it was immediately evident that he was mine.” His handsome face took on a proud, triumphant look. “I brought them home to Crewe. When my father discovered I had no interest in marrying Nora, he was amused and not angry. He said that tracking her down showed my stubbornness and determination, the Montgomery Mettle he called it. He was delighted that I had fallen in with his plans by becoming exactly like him.”

His pale blue gaze settled on Aurelia. “And yes, I did become a selfish womanizer in the same mold as my father. I discovered that what he had always told me was true—that it was easier to think with my cock than to allow my heart to become involved.

“Unfortunately, when my father met Guustin he decided that I needed a real son—an heir—insurance if I were to die on one of my dangerous journeys.” Roland shrugged. “I didn’t care who he chose—what did it matter to a young man who had replaced love with pleasure?” he asked her, his smile self-mocking.

“While I might not have cared who I married, Rebecca, my wife-to-be, cared a great deal that our fathers had arranged a marriage without consulting our opinions. I had known Rebecca for years. Her father often brought her to stay on Crewe and I’m sure that he and my father had been plotting our union for years. The fact that Rebecca and I had always loathed each other did not matter to either of them.”

He stopped and rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the floor for a moment before looking up and meeting her gaze. “Rebecca pleaded with me to intercede. She wept and stormed and begged me to convince my father to change his mind about our marriage.” His lips curved into a bitter smile. “I told her I had no intention of dissuading my father, quite the reverse. You see, he had promised me a great deal of money for my next expedition if I complied with his demand. I also told Rebecca that he had offered even more money when I put a child in her belly.”

Aurelia watched as he strode back and forth in the small room, mired in his past.

“I told her that all she had to do was give my father the heir he wanted and then she could take as many lovers as she wanted. She told me that if we married, she would spend her life making me regret the decision.” He gave an unamused laugh. “And she continues to plague me even in death, it would seem.”

He strode to the window and stared out at the rain. After a few moments during which only the crackle of the fire and patter of the rain on the window could be heard, he returned to the settee, lowering himself beside her.

He took her hand and held it in both of his.

“When I went to Rebecca on our wedding night, prepared to do my duty, she took great pleasure in showing me her bulging belly. She said as I’d wanted to please my father so much, she had decided to help me.” He glanced at Aurelia when she did not respond. “You do not seem surprised,” he said. “Did somebody tell you that Celsa was not mine?”

“She did.”

Roland winced. “Damnation! Who told her?”