Page 75 of Heartbreaker

Jake starts laughing. “You think my little brother has moved on? You’re wrong, he’s a mess, and it’s his own fault not yours, but he will come back.” Jake moves closer to me. “He thought he was like a man he never wanted to be like, and he thought he would hurt the best thing to ever happen to him. He didn’t walk away because he doesn’t love you, he walked out because he does love you.” With that Jake walks away and joins his friends, and I’m standing there thinking about what he just said.

I want to send him a message, but I don’t know what to say to him. I want him to talk to me first, but Jake’s words have stuck in my head. Which man did he not want to be like, and did he really think that he would hurt me that much? He broke not only my heart but his own. Taking my phone out I bring up a new message chat and stare at the screen as Taylor pulls me over to the booth.

Ashley: 5 months ago, I knocked into a man in a club, I thought he was gay, and it turned out I was wrong, and was I happy I was wrong. I thought I knew that man, I thought we had something, but he lied to me, then left me when I need him the most. Not even a text to explain why. When the man I know wants to talk I’m here, but remember this, I won’t wait long.

“What did Jake say to you?” Taylor says leaning over to me. I tell her what he said, and how I need to wait for him. “I knew that he wouldn’t just break up with you like that,” Taylor tells me.

“I know that, but I’m still angry with him for lying about his job.” I want to know why he walked away from us, but I want to know about his job, why he started the business, why he thought that he didn’t have to tell me about it.

“Well, tonight you are out, so enjoy yourself,” Taylor tells me, and taking my drink off the table I lean back in the booth and watch all these couples enjoying themselves. I hate them. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, pull out my phone, and smile when I see Jackson’s name.

Jackson: 5 months ago, I met a woman who scared me to death with what she made me feel. Now I realise she is the best thing ever to happen to me.

Ashley: If she was the best thing to ever happen to you, why did you walk away?

I see the dots appear then disappear, and I can’t take my eyes off my phone, I want to know why. The dots appear again.

Jackson: Because I’m an idiot and got scared.

Ashley: And now?

Jackson: Tinkerbell, you are the first real relationship I have ever had. The woman I spend my days thinking about and my nights dreaming about. Every smile you give me is a gift that makes me feel like a champion. What you make me feel terrifies me, because I can’t bear to fuck this up and hurt you. I think I need some time just to get my head together.

I re-read the text a few times, not knowing what to say at the moment. These are the things as a couple we need to talk through, but the thing that gets me the most is ?that I’m his first real girlfriend. He doesn’t know what he should be doing.

Time? How much time does he need. My fingers moving over the screen of my phone I don’t know what I should be writing back to him, this is making me feel like I’m the one in the wrong, I’m the one that fucked up somehow.

Jackson: I can’t lose you, please say I haven’t lost you?

Ashley: At the moment, I don’t know. Maybe we both need some time.

Is that how I really feel? No, but I can’t be the only one feeling bad, I can see that he needs time and I’ll give it to him, but at the moment I need to stop thinking about him. I look at my phone to see if Jackson has sent anything back, but nothing.

Taking my drink, I down it in one go, and turn to Taylor. “You know what? I’m really not in the mood tonight, I’m going to head home.” I lean over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“We can we come with…”

“No, Ethan is behind bars, so there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll see you in the morning.” Coming out of the booth, I get my phone out of my bag.

Jackson: Please don’t give up on us.

Ashley: I care about you Jackson. When you’re ready to talk let me know.