Page 65 of Until Ace

“Mom,” I warn, sidestepping the coffee table and coming to stand in front of her. But she doesn’t heed my warning.

“Don’t,” she snaps. “Do not stand here in a house that looks like it does, dressed as you are, and tell me you don’t have enough money to help your brother. He needs you, Mandy.” Suddenly, she smiles a nasty smile, her eyes full of venom. “Or did you finally listen to your brother’s advice and start earning your money on your back?”

I hear the collective gasp behind me, but this is nothing new to me.

She’s said worse things to me before. Sure, in the past, a comment like that would have killed me. Now? After having Ace and all the people he brought into my life, it only slides down my skin like droplets of water.

She can’t hurt me anymore.

No one can.

At least, that’s what I try to convince myself of.

“Now wait a second.” Beverly comes up to my side. I can see she’s all riled up to stand by me, to defend me. It’s unnecessary. Not anymore. And I don’t want her to be the focus of Mom’s wrath. No one deserves that, least of all a sweet lady like Beverly.

I take her hand in mine. When she looks up at me, I give her a small, grateful smile and shake my head.

“She has no right to talk to you like this, darling girl,” Beverly rages quietly.

“No, she doesn’t,” I agree. “But it doesn’t stop her.”

“Mandy,” Mom spews my name like it’s a curse word. When I look at her, she demands, “You need to help your brother out.”

How dare she come here, to Ace’s home and in front of everyone, and behave like this? How dare she say all these things to me? How dare she act like I’m the one who put us all in this position? When I’m the only one who’s pulled everyone out of trouble for as long as I can remember.

“Are you really that selfish? Will you not help him?” She juts chin upward, thinking she has the upper hand. She knows well that accusing me of being selfish is usually something that puts me in line.

”Mom, I can’t help him. Not anymore.” My words are soft despite the emotions that were boiling inside me a moment ago. Gone is all the anger, and all that’s left is sadness. Sadness for my brother, for my family. And for me.

Hearing my words, she stands in front of me motionless, her hands balled into fists, her face taking on an ugly shade of red. She opens her mouth and sneers, “Where did I go wrong with you? You are not my daughter. I didn’t bring you up like this. I always thought you knew there is nothing more important than family. You never leave family behind, Mandy. Never.”

I swallow hard and blink a few times to prevent the tears that are forming to fall. I feel like I’m losing the ground I’m standing on. But I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much her words hurt me.

“Get the fuck out of my house.” Ace comes to stand behind me. His voice vibrates with rage, sending a shiver to my very soul. But the hand he puts on the small of my back—giving me strength, reminding me he’s here for me, that he loves me—is gentle.

Seeing Ace standing behind me and hearing his words, all the color drains from my mother’s face.

I can see she didn’t forget him. I also see she didn’t expect him to be here. How that could be when this is his house, I have no idea.

But the surprise and the fear are evident.

“Mom,” Nicole tugs at her arm while glancing around the room and all the people in it until she stops on me. To my surprise, she gives me a hint of a smile before looking away. What is that about? “We should go.”

When my mother doesn’t move, Nicole tugs at her harder. “Mom, let’s go.”

“I won’t repeat myself,” Ace threatens and steps around me, positioning himself half in front of me.

As if coming out of a trance, Mom sniffs, squares her shoulders, and says coldly, “Yes. We should leave, Nicole. You’re right. I have no other daughter here besides you.”

Her words are like a knife plunged into my belly. It shouldn’t be this way. It shouldn’t hurt this much. Not after everything. Not after I decided to cut all contact. But I can’t help it.

She’s still my mom.

I still love her, no matter how damaging her love is for me.

I guess, deep down, I hoped things would turn for the better, and she would finally see me and love me.

It’s my biggest delusion; I know that.