Page 78 of Lift Me Up

“You are,” I cut in, nodding, trying to reach for his hands to hold, to make him understand. “God…”

My voice breaks, I choke out a small sob, shaking my head, voice barely a whisper, “You’re more than good, Noah. You are good enough. You’re more than enough. You’re everything, and you’re perfect.”

“Then why won't you let me be there for you?” He sounds so angry, broken, his eyes a soft pool of honey brown that melts me in place.

“Because of that very reason. You’re too perfect. I’ve yet to see a flaw. And that’s all I am. Flaws and scars and a semi-functioning human who is just getting by. I’ve come to accept that. I have. But Noah, this, all of this isn’t going anywhere. If anything, it’s going to get worse. I can’t give you the perfect white picket fence life with seven kids, and a dog and rocking chairs on our porch. I just think you deserve better than what I can give and-”

“Who are you to decide all that for me? Do you really think I could be that shallow? Georgie, I am choosing you, I have always chosen you." Noah sounds so sure of himself, and it breaks me a little more.

“You can't," I choke out.

"Well, I do." He sounds almost angry again in his earnest attempt to get me to understand.

I fight back. "Well, you shouldn’t.”

“But I do. That won't change. And I want you to choose me too.”

He takes my breath away, and feebly I look up at him, quivering lip. “Why?”

“What do you mean why?” He says incredulously.

“Why would you choose me? Why would you want to be with me when this will never go away⁠—”

“I am in love with you!” The words come out of him in a rush, taking him by surprise, he covers his mouth for a beat, then another, before he blinks the daze away and he continues, “Don’t you get it, Georgie? I am in love with you. I have been for so damn long, and I’’m not going to hide that. But I’m so fucking scared you’re going to walk away and break my heart when you do.”

“Noah,” My voice is barely a whisper, stunned by his admission.

My heart races at the thought that this man stands before me, and he’s telling me that he loves me. Why on Earth does the very notion terrify me?

“The thing is, Georgie, I want everything with you, if you’ll let me. But you have to let me in, let me love you—please. Please let me.” He falls to his knees, the floodgates open. The sight of Noah on his knees, near sobs wracking through his body as he holds me close and begs me to let him love me. I can’t take it. I close my eyes, hands cradling the back of his head.

Noah’s face is pressed against my stomach. I look at him when I feel him sit back on his haunches, see him wiping at his eyes and putting his hands on his thighs. He lets out a shaky breath and meets my gaze, "I am doing this all wrong, I have so much to say and yet I can’t even form a thought other than how much I love you. I don't think you realize there's no going back for me. I am so in love with you it’s… it’s like falling asleep with a book on my chest.”

Recognition floods my senses, my skin prickling with goosebumps.

He’s read the journals I wrote. He knows. Everything.

“Noah,” My voice shakes, and I have no idea what to say next, but I can see from his expression that he knows that I know what he’s referencing. I swallow hard.

Noah rises from his knees, before he pulls out aforementioned pages from his pocket, slightly damaged from his previously soaked clothes. For only a moment I wonder how he’s managed to find them before I recall where I left them, at his house of all places in my current read. He unfolds the papers delicately, and although some of the ink has run thanks to the water, he clears his throat before he reads to me the very thoughts I wrote one night when I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts about him.

“‘Falling in love is like falling asleep with a book on your chest… It’s effortless and terrifying at the same time.’ Tell me you still feel this way. Tell me you wrote this about me… Just… tell me something good, Georgie.”

Something good.

There’s a moment where the world fades away, and it’s just he and I in this moment. This man stands before me, and he tells me he loves me, and he simply asks me to tell him something good. Damn it if it doesn’t melt me to my core. It makes loving him so easy, and yes, terrifying. There’s this look in his eyes, like I am the only thing in his universe that matters, and any fear, any anger, anything I feel dissipates into just wanting to give him exactly what he wants, simply because I can’t bear the thought of breaking his heart again. He’s here, he knows, he isn’t running, he’s asking me to let him stay. He simply wants me to tell him something good..

“I am in love with you, Noah. But I think you already know that.”

“You love me.” He beams, his hands shaking in mine.

“I do.” I reply simply, heart hammering as the admission leaves my mouth. I smile, “And that absolutely terrifies me. But I want this. I want everything with you, too.”

The grin never leaves his face, but he closes his eyes and puts his head back and whispers, “Say it again.”

“I love you.” I kiss his neck and make him shiver, the softest whimper of a sound leaves him.

“Again, I don’t think I heard you.” He says, his tone playful.