Page 57 of Rot In Knotty Pieces

I smile. “That is a very good question, Detective.”

Roseland scowls.

“And the answer is probably. I’m sure there are things even I can’t remember. We don’t know we’ve forgotten them. It’s just a huge chunk of our life that has been wiped out of our brain, with nothing left behind. No clues, no signs, nothing to indicate that anything is missing. Take Robin, for example. In order to forget her twin, she had to forget her parents, which meant she had to forget the night he killed them, which means that she had no idea that we ever had another home. No birthdays, no school, no friends, no toys, no name, it all just disappeared. Can you imagine? All of that gone just to protect one memory? We believed that we always lived with Father. We never questioned why we couldn’t remember being young. How can you know you’ve forgotten what you can’t remember you forgot?”

Blaze exhales shakily.

“What does it feel like to remember?”

I hum for a moment. Just take a moment to really think about that question. “I don’t know if it’s the same for them, but for me, it’s like someone’s opened a door I didn’t know was there. I get the initial whoosh of discovery, the shock, but each time I grab at it, there is more, it keeps expanding. So, I walk into this memory door, and I’m looking around, getting slapped by all the details of the event that triggered the forgetting, and then I look back at the room I’m living in, and there are clues everywhere. Little dusty reminders that I just overlooked, but now I’ve seen them I can’t unsee them. It’s always emotional, it’s draining, it can hurt. There’s grief and anger, relief that you’re not crazy but horror that your brain just decided to steal an entire part of your life.”

“Jeez, Jay, that sounds awful.”

I shrug. “It protects our brain. She was a blue robin. I am the blue jay. Do you understand?”

“You are the subconscious part of her that couldn’t let go of her twin, not completely? A living memory of Robin? The mind’s way of protecting your mind from the memory of what happened?”

I smile at Blaze. “That is correct.”

“So, what do you like?”

“Walks on the beach, long holidays at expensive resorts, pretty birds, and excellent coffee.” I wink at Roseland, who shakes his head but can’t hide his smile.

I pick up my coffee and drink half in one go. “This is a pretty good day.”

“Are you high?” Sage asks grumpily as he crawls out of the tent. “After what happened and-”

“We talked about all that,” I wave my hand. “My brother alphas will give you the cliff notes.” I giggle. “I always wanted brothers. Lots of them.”

Sage watches me like I’ve lost my mind.

“Now, we just need the bacon and eggs, and I will be in heaven.”

Sage blinks. “I have that.”

“WHAT?” I jump up and hug him hard. “You, my Alpha, are now my favourite. Brownie points for you. Oh, please, please, please. I haven’t had bacon and eggs in so long. How is that even possible?”

Sage lets out a startled laugh. “Okay. I will get to it, and Pix has all these lovely connections who love any excuse to go play in the woods. They dropped it off yesterday.”

I return to my seat and my coffee and smile.

“How are you so happy?”

I look up at Blaze. “I’m not alone in my pain anymore.”

Sage cocks his head to the side and stares at me. “You are very strange.”

“Thank you.” I grin at them, and to my surprise, they grin back.

And then I get bacon and eggs, and for a short while, life is perfect. But it’s never perfect for long. It’s just a collection of stolen moments. That’s a lesson that we know very well.

Sometimes…moments are enough, though.

Kestrel

Islip into the body while no one is watching. In fact, no one notices. The bacon is cold and greasy, and I chew without really tasting it. Bacon is not a favourite of mine. I much prefer coffee and toast for breakfast, ugh, but not this coffee. Where is the milk and sugar?

The alphas are up and wandering around, but it’s Pix who is the one paying attention to me. His gaze is like a hand caressing the nape of my neck, a heavy weight that is pressing me down. He’s already figured it out, he’s just waiting for confirmation on who I am. I refuse to give him a clue.