Page 50 of Rot In Knotty Pieces

I’m thinking of a snake, a lizard, a spider, something vicious.

“What did?”

“I queefed, okay!” she shouts. “It happens. I have a vagina, and you all pumped lots of air into me. Why is it okay to be like ‘Oh, that’s so sexy during sex’, but when I’m dressed, it’s suddenly assuming I just farted in King’s face?”

My cheeks ache. They ache so, so bad.

“It’s just not fair. Rolly was all like at the top of his lungs, ‘did you just fart in King’s face?’ Which, of course, we said no, shaking our head because it was Merle who was fronting. And Rolly laughs and says it louder. Which then alerts Pix, who says calmly that he heard it, too. Yes, the consensus is that idiot creatures with dicks have decided that I farted because I don’t know my own body.”

Fucking hell, please don’t let me laugh.

“So, Merle bails, and Raptor fronts, and she is bombarded with them laughing and talking about how serenely we doth let out our sweetly toots from our luscious assus, or so says that idiot Rolly. She swore at them all and kicked Pix.”

She lifts her eyes heavenward and clamps her jaw.

“What happened?” I manage to squeeze out.

“She queefed again.”

I splutter and finally tilt my head back and laugh. When I get control of myself, I wipe the tears away and find her glaring at me.

“Sorry.”

“You are not.”

“No, I’m not, but this is kind of funny.”

“Oh, yeah, totally funny.”

“So, how did you end up here?”

“Well, Raptor and Merle are sulking, Raven and Jay are flat out refusing, which leaves me. So, I came out, gave them a blistering lecture on female anatomy and promised that if they continued to embarrass us every time our body made strange sounds, they would lose access to touching said body and holes.”

She smiles smugly.

“Bet that shut them up real quick.”

“Damn straight, it did. Suddenly, it was ‘we’re sorry’ blah blah blah.”

Okay, I get it.

“But…how did you end up in the creek?”

She glowers at me. “I turned to walk away, and it happened again.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, hard. Really fucking hard.

“They couldn’t contain themselves, so rather than beat them all stupid, I’m lying in the creek and pretending I’m on a tropical island miles away with alphas who don’t mock my vagina gas.”

I grab her throat and slam her into the creek, following her down, growling.

“You were thinking of other alphas?”

“Is that all you got out of that whole story?” she shouts.

“No. You have vagina gas. I’d like to give you some more.”

She makes a sound like a cross between a growl and a snarl.