Page 36 of Make Me Laugh

Comment reply: Your mom should have swallowed you.

The tires of my brain screech, and I come to a smoking stop.

No sex.

I hadn’t even thought about that being an issue—hadn’t considered her agreeing to this would affect my sex life. Because if I’m not sleeping with Joey over the next forty-eight hours, I’m definitely not sleeping with anyone else.

I swallow my plea, the words, baby, no please don’t do this to me, dying in my throat.

I’ll get forty-eight more hours with Joey. Two days to get to know her better. And, oh yeah, of course… social media training… It’s more than mind blowing sex—which it seems I won’t be having anyway! It’s an opportunity to grow my brand.

“You think just because I had the best sex of my life last night, I can’t be professional? That I won’t be able to stop thinking about you naked whenever I look at you?” It was that good for her too… Right? Or does she have mind-blowing sex with strangers all the time?

I don’t realize I’m raking my eyes up her long legs until she huffs, stomping her foot. “See! It wouldn’t work!” She uncrosses her arms and plops down on the arm of her sapphire-blue velvet couch.

She’s giving me whiplash.

The T-shirt Joey accidentally stole from me, one I’ll never ask her to return, rises up until the only thing keeping me from getting a peek of the black underwear that spent the night on my hotel floor are her hands in her lap. I lick my lips and have to reboot my brain.

You’re proving her point, you idiot.

I take a step forward, putting us in an almost identical position as the one from last night—me with the tips of her knees between my legs and her looking up at me with her big green come-fuck-me eyes—the ones over three-million people have now seen. “Fine. No sex. No fake dating.”

Now she’s the one looking at me like that seems impossible. Almost like she’s not the one who, hypothetically, asked if we should pretend to be in a fake relationship to make money online…

I hold my hand out for her to shake.

Joey hesitates, glancing at it like she’ll lose whatever nerve she has left if she touches me.

Eventually, she takes my hand in hers, and we shake on our business venture… or maybe we shake on the no sex or fake dating thing. Either way, Joey’s coming with me to Portland, and I couldn’t be happier—two more days to figure out what it is about this woman that makes me want her so badly. Yeah, she’s hot, the sex is fucking insane, and no matter where we touch, I get little electric pops that send shots of dopamine straight to the brain, but I know that’s not where it ends with her.

She pulls her hand away first, clearing her throat. “I’ll draft up a contract.”

“For the no sex thing? That’s a little much, don’t you think, Joey ba—Joey. Jo,” I correct, taking a step back. I’m too close to her. I can feel the heat of her skin, and it’s clouding my judgment… A lot.

She rolls her eyes and stands, grabbing the iPad off her coffee table. Beside it is a rolling tray and a decorated box. The clasp is closed, but I can put two-and-two together—my nose also works well enough, despite having broken it more than once.

Joey’s home is exactly what I would expect it to look like. A witchy cottage with a hodgepodge of different decor. Mismatched frames, colors, and patterns. It’s clean enough to eat off the floor, and it’s easy to tell she has a specific place for everything.

There are live plants all over. I recognize a few from Dad’s collection back home. A monstera, a few ogre ear succulents, and a ton of vines. I didn’t get his green thumb; I inherited whatever thumb my mom has—don’t look at a plant for too long or it’ll die.

Is that an animal skull? I squint.

Definitely some kind of deer. Or a goat?

Wait a second… How close had I gotten with this witch bit?

I pin Joey with a suspicious stare, only to find her innocently tapping at her iPad and not adding bat wings to a bubbling cauldron while she chants in Latin.

I continue to peruse her living room. The walls and ceiling are a dark shade of green, but there’s enough natural light coming from two large windows to make it less cave-like than I’m sure it feels at night.

Joey comes up beside me with the tablet and an Apple Pencil in hand. “Not for the sex thing. For the money thing.”

Duh, it’s a business transaction. I’m hiring Joey.

What a stupid idea—I don’t want to hire her, not really. I want to make her come all night again, seeing if six is the max or if she’s got more in her.

Regardless, I glance over the basic information at the top.