Page 104 of Not Mine to Rescue

Honor took a deep breath. “I didn’t go to the doctor.”

Oh, boy… we were doing this. I scrambled for words to say. “I want you to be healthy…” The rest of it wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t say, “I want the baby to be healthy,” because even that might be enough to send her spiraling.

“Some of the members have children.”

I sucked in a bracing breath. “Yup, and some don’t.”

“Why the hesitation?”

Was I on the witness stand? “I don’t want to say something wrong.” And even admitting that was going to start a shitstorm. “I care about you. I care about what you feel, what you want, and I know what I want isn’t as important.”

Her tone turned sharp. “How can you say that?”

“Easy. You are more important to me than my own feelings.”

She shoved me away. “Don’t say that!”

I held my hands out. “Why not? It’s the truth.”

Her mouth hung open. “It’s horrible.”

Where did I go wrong? I knew at least a half-dozen women who’d swoon if I told them what I’d just said. “Why?”

“Because—” she tensed up. Her body had a slight tremor starting somewhere between her shoulders and her fingertips.

Very carefully, I invaded her space again. With my voice as gentle as I could, I asked, “Why, Honor?”

Her mouth worked. “I’m inferior, broken…”

“No you’re not. You’re nearly perfection, at least in my book you are.”

Her head shook. “Even if I am pregnant, it’s not…”

“We take one day at a time. Having kids, not having kids, doesn’t matter. You, your health, your emotions, they matter.”

“And yours?”

“If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Her expression hardened. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is.”

She searched my face. “I didn’t want to take the Plan B because I⁠—”

“You want to be pregnant. You want—” It was my turn to not say what hung in the air around us.

Her single nod was weak.

“You want hope. You want a fantasy you think you can’t have.”

“There’s no hope, and fantasy is stupid.”

Now she was just pissing me off. But I had to speak, reply, and do something to fix this. “Okay, reality time. We’re doing this. One day at a time, but we’re not going to be naive or fuck this up more than it already is. You will go to the doctor, get checked out. And if—even if we’re not admitting it—if you are… you are going to follow the doctor’s orders. Take vitamins, whatever it takes. Got it?”

Her chin picked up the tremors from the rest of her body. “I did all that before.”

She needed reassurances I couldn’t give. “I know. But ignoring it won’t be good, right?”