Page 47 of High Water

NINETEEN

Aspen

“I need us to have a chat today. I’ll take you over to Chloe’s later, but we need to talk first.”

“If this is about the slumber party the other night, I wasn’t the one who went on the quads in the middle of the night. I stayed on the porch, but I can’t control what the other kids do.”

“You were driving quads in the middle of the night?” My heart sinks. I know I did stuff like that as a kid, but I don’t like to think about Fallon doing it.

“No. I wasn’t. But some other kids were.” Fallon’s brow furrows. “That’s not what this is about?”

“No, but we’re going to revisit that later.” I shake my head, scowling that none of the parents had bothered to tell me. Fallon is working her way into making new friends, and I’m working my way back into the old friend groups of Purgatory Falls.

“Fine. What is it?” Fallon’s scowl mirrors mine as she slumps into the couch next to me.

I turn to face her, tucking one of my legs under me, and I try to calm myself before I start this conversation. Going in upset about something else isn’t going to make this any easier to discuss.

“You know that your dad and I told you a while back that he wasn’t your biological father.”

“I know.” Her scowl melts almost instantaneously into a cloud of unease, and she shifts in her seat.

“But your dad, he still loves you just as much as ever.”

“Does he not want to see me anymore?” Fallon doesn’t bother to look at me.

“What? No! He misses you so much. He’s been telling me how much he’s looking forward to seeing you during spring break and this summer. We already talked about all the plans you two have been coming up with, as well as the trip he’s planning to take you on. Your grandparents can’t wait to see you either. Why would you think he doesn’t want to see you anymore?” My heart twists in my chest, and suddenly I’m worried I’ve missed something big while I’ve been dealing with all the fallout from my brothers and Bishop. If I’ve failed to see something this significant, a worry hurting her like this, I’ll hate myself for it.

“Because of the divorce and me being out here.” Her eyes lift and meet mine with accusation in them. “And because of Bishop.”

“Bishop?” My heart starts to race at the thought that she’s already found something to dislike about him. Have I been that obvious when I was around him? Could she see through me? She was always perceptive and seemed to echo my moods, even when I thought I was doing a great job of covering them. If she’s picked up on my sadness, I worry that she’s discovered the inkling of hope Bishop’s put back into my heart. One I’ve done my best to hide, out of respect for how much she misses Ethan and how complicated this situation is turning out to be. Not to mention my own doubts.

“I know he’s my real father.” Fallon looks away from me; the sharp downward turn of her mouth and the shake of her head make the courage I thought I had for this conversation falter. “And if Dad knows he’s back in our lives, then he might decide he has better chances with a new family.”

My heart slams in my chest, and I rush to fix what I might have broken.

“Fallon, your dad loves you. No one and nothing will ever change that. Even if he gets remarried or has more kids, it won’t change a thing about the way he feels about you. You’re his little girl, and he loves you with all of his heart.”

“The way you felt about him changed, and you loved him. You married him.”

“That’s a different sort of love. I’m not in romantic love with your dad anymore. That’s true. But I still care about him. I still respect the person he is in your life, and we’re still friends. I love him as a friend. I want him to be happy, and I want him to find someone who is in romantic love with him so he can have that kind of happiness again.

“That kind of love is so very different from the way he loves you or the way I love you as your parent. You’re our daughter—that doesn’t change ever. Once we saw you as a baby, that love was instant and forever, Fallon. I could never stop loving you, and neither could your father. It’s what being a parent is.”

“Not for Bishop, apparently. You still haven’t confirmed it. He is my father, isn’t he?”

I nod silently, searching for the right words for a moment, but she continues on.

“I knew it. I just knew it from the way you acted around him and the way he looked at us. You’re still in love with him, aren’t you? Is that why you left Dad?”

“I had no idea Bishop was still alive when your dad and I decided to get a divorce. Those two things have nothing to do with each other.”

“Why is he here then? Does he want you back? Does he think because Dad’s gone, he can just swoop in and take over? Because he can’t. He didn’t want us in the first place. He doesn’t get to come back now and pretend that he can just be my dad. He can’t. And you shouldn’t be letting him think he can.”

My heart sinks into my stomach. I’ll be lucky to have one left after the beating it’s going to take by the time this is done. I knew this conversation wouldn’t be easy, but it’s already headed so far downhill I’m struggling to find the right words. On days like these, I wish I had a live-in therapist to tell me the right things to say or do—or my own parents. My mom would have known exactly how to handle this situation, all the right things to say, and she would have done it over a cup of tea—hot or ice-cold depending on the season—and freshly baked cookies she made from scratch. Meanwhile, I’m crashing and burning a few minutes in. Who the hell ever let me be a parent? Even with fifteen years of experience, I’m still out of my depth.

“He’s here because he wanted to help your uncles. And because once he found out about you, all he wanted in the world was to get to know you. He had no idea you existed, Fallon. He left long before you were born, and I had no way of getting a hold of him. I tried to find him. We looked for a long time, but he was missing and presumed dead. That’s why it was such a surprise to me to see him that one night when we were watching movies.”

“You were so weird about that. I’ve never seen you act like that. You’ve definitely never looked at Dad that way.”