Page 109 of Everything But Mine

I exhale. “I don’t think he wants… certain things with me.”

Val sighs like I’m being impossible. “Does he know you want to have sex with him?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. “What I want is sort of… irrelevant.”

“No.” She huffs. “What you both want is the only thing that matters.”

“Val, he said we were together, but then we shared a bed, and nothing happened⁠—”

She lifts a hand. “He’s been in love with you for over a decade,” she says flatly. “Has he discussed intimacy with you?”

“Has he talked to you?”

“Yes and no.” She tilts her head. “Humor me. What’s your assessment?”

My throat tightens. “I just wish he understood he doesn’t have to fix himself overnight. And I-I want to feel wanted.”

Val’s frown softens. “Of course you do.”

“The weight, the belly, the moods, how nothing fucking fits—” I tug at the blouse that’s too loose around the arms and too tight across my chest. “I don’t feel like me. And I don’t want to lose him.”

“He’s not fragile. You telling him you want a sexual relationship and asking him if he wants that isn’t going to break him.”

I nod slowly. “So this is when you tell me he’s doing great?”

“No,” Val says. “This is when I remind you that healing isn’t linear. Neither is intimacy. Or love.”

I think of the tattoo on Eric’s chest and its endless loops and patterns. Maybe our love is circular, too. I finally take a full bite of my salad.

After that, Val’s social stamina falters, and we walk back to the clinic in comfortable silence. We’re waiting for the elevator to head to our respective offices, when heels clack close to me.

“Amanda.”

I turn to my right. Cassie’s hair is even blonder, her tight summer dress clinging to her bump. She’s perfectly put together, and yet, it doesn’t look… right with the fabric so stretched and her swollen feet shoved into delicate sandals. Her lips twitch at the edges before she smiles, and it’s like a shield she can’t afford to let go of.

Val shifts subtly beside me, fingers brushing my wrist.

Cassie storms up, finger pointing straight at me. “You told him.”

“I did.”

She juts her chin out defiantly. “You know how hard I’ve worked to keep him interested?” Her hands tremble hard enough that she presses them against her thighs to steady them. “He was finally excited about this baby. With me.”

“Cassie, he isn’t ‘with’ anyone but himself.”

“This is what he means.” Her voice pitches up. “You think you deserve more.”

“Not more, just better than Daray. And so does my son.”

She flinches at son. “You just want him to choose you,” she snaps, flicking her hand.

“No. Just exhausted. And you should be too. I know him.”

“He’s trying.”

“No,” I say quietly. “You’re trying. He’s coasting.”

She takes a step forward, shaking hands, trying to grab my arm. Val pulls me away. Cassie’s arms now won’t stop trembling. “You want him to leave me. You want to blow up everything I’ve built.”